She Serves, Free Tribute to all Female Vets, Past and Present

March 1, 2010 By Claire
Posted in Charities/Contests, Spouse and Family

“As a tribute to all female veterans, past and present, VFW magazine is offering this commemorative publication to you at no charge. To request your free copy now, simply complete this form and click submit. U.S. addresses only, please.”

The information below was taken from their website:

You’re invited to receive a free copy of this special publication, Women at war, from the VFW. In this unique, single issue magazine, the VFW salutes you and the role of women veterans from the Revolutionary War to today.

It details the role of women in war throughout the ages, as well as profiling some of the more courageous acts displayed by female warriors. A section on helping women like us readjust to civilian life following military service is included.

As a tribute to all female veterans, past and present, VFW magazine is offering this commemorative publication to you at no charge. To request your free copy now, simply complete this form and click submit. U.S. addresses only, please.

Yours truly,
Debra AndersonVFW National Staff
Member since 2006
Operation Desert Shield/Desert Storm

 

Request Your FREE Copy

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Freedom Team Salute is Shutting Down

February 22, 2010 By Claire
Posted in Spouse and Family

Freedom Team Salute will be shutting down this Month. Here are the following announcments they have up on their sites, and a little bit about them for those who were not familiar with them. This struck me as particularly horrible timing. We are closing down operations in Iraq, gearing up operations in Afghanistan… now is not the time to back off on funding for troop support. This news comes the same week that milblogger David Belavia states “Our Mission is Finally Accomplished… Anyone Care?” I care David. I care greatly, and I hope that those who read this post and click over to David’s place will leave him a note telling him that.

In the meantime, they can shut down Gov’t funded troop support that does not stop our private sector cheerleaders like Soldier’s Angels, Sponsor the Troops,  and Operation Gratitude. There are many out there. I know that FTS was more than that, but now is the time for families, Veterans and civilians who support our military to push forward and find new ways to get the message to our guys on the front lines. Don’t ever assume they know we care. Tell them. Show them.

From the FTS website:

Since its beginnings in 2005, FTS has recognized and honored the services of more than 2.3 million Parents, Spouses, Employers, Supporters and Army Veterans. While the Army will no longer be able to recognize individuals and organizations with FTS commendations, please know that we still appreciate the service and sacrifice of those who stand in support of our Soldiers and Veterans.

The success of FTS can be attributed to the Army’s Leadership; Veterans Service Organizations at the local, state, and national levels; Army units and installation leadership; and Soldiers themselves who took the opportunity to recognize those who supported them. FTS owes special thanks to our nearly 1,000 Ambassadors who unselfishly volunteered their time to support this program—much of the success of FTS can be directly attributed to their efforts.

The FTS staff and I want to personally thank all of those who supported our efforts. You have all made a difference in the lives of our Soldiers, Veterans, and the Army Family. Please continue to thank them for their service and sacrifice.

Sincerely,
COL David M. Griffith
Director, U.S. Army Freedom Team Salute

Thank you for your interest in the Freedom Team Salute (FTS) Program. We have been proud of the accomplishments of FTS—however, due to the Army’s multiple competing missions and demands on resources, FTS will cease operations at the end of February 2010. In order to allow time to process commendations before the program ends, FTS will stop taking commendation requests after 11 February 2010.

LINK TO HOMEPAGE

LINK TO FACEBOOK PAGE

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Military Youth Coping With Separation: Deployment DVDs Available

February 20, 2010 By Claire
Posted in Life in the Military, Spouse and Family

FROM: Operation Military Kids

Military pediatricians and youth professionals developed DVD’s to helpmilitary children understand and deal with the emotions related to a family member’s deployment.

The United States Army Medical Command and the American Academy ofPediatrics produced “Military Youth Coping with Separation: When FamilyMembers Deploy,” to address a variety of deployment-related concerns for teens. For elementary age children there is a, “Mr. Poe and Friends Discuss Reunion After Deployment” DVD. The animated host, Mr. Poe, mentors and provides guidance to children and family members as they discuss deployment.

For more information about the DVDs visithttp://www.tricare.mil/pressroom/news.aspx?fid=396.

Both videos are available for online viewing on the American Academy of Pediatrics Deployment Support Web site at www.aap.org/sections/unifserv/deployment/index.htm.

They are also available for ordering, in DVD format, through Military One Source at 1-800-342-9647 orhttp://www.militaryonesource.com/skins/MOS/home.aspx

Military pediatricians and youth professionals developed DVDs to help military children understand and deal with the emotions related to a family member’s deployment.

The United States Army Medical Command and the American Academy of Pediatrics produced “Military Youth Coping with Separation: When Family Members Deploy,” to address a variety of deployment-related concerns for teens. For elementary age children there is a, “Mr. Poe and Friends Discuss Reunion After Deployment” DVD. The animated host, Mr. Poe, mentors and provides guidance to children and family members as they discuss deployment.

For more information about the DVDs visit: http://www.tricare.mil/pressroom/news.aspx?fid=396.

Both videos are available for online viewing on the
American Academy of Pediatrics Deployment Support Web site at:www.aap.org/sections/unifserv/deployment/index.htm.

They are also available for ordering, in DVD format, through Military One Source at: 1-800-342-9647 or http://www.militaryonesource.com/skins/MOS/home.aspx

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The Art of Being a Military Child

By Claire
Posted in Charities/Contests, Spouse and Family

Pay close attention to the deadline… I just found this. The entry has to be postmarked by this coming Friday, February 26th!

**************

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A Blue Star Mother Worries

February 19, 2010 By Claire
Posted in Spouse and Family

I have always said, and proven by example, that mothers can bring worry and neurotic fears to a whole new level of angst and suffering. We can’t help it. It’s who we are. I fight hard against allowing fear and anxiety to rule my life. I sleep well, most nights, and I am getting better about praying when I am anxious.

I worried when my oldest son joined in ‘04. I worried that the shoulder he broke in Jr. High would give him fits when it was pushed to the limits at his Infantry OSUT. It did give him fits, and he gave it fits right back. He made it through and worked through the pain. He is stronger for it.

I worried when he told me he was going to deploy. I didn’t go ballistic. I knew it was coming. I still worried. The casualties coming out of Iraq at that time were at a peak, and it was going to be a hard deployment for me. He’s a Stryker Soldier and an Infantry dude. He kicks in doors and does dangerous things. He loves his job. I worried. He buried more friends than I ever have. He saw more horrific death than I ever will. The surge and the war gave him hell. He gave it right back. He’s deployed again. This time the conditions are different, but I still worry about it. He’s fine though. I know it.

I worried when my youngest signed up. I knew it was coming. He was wearing a high and tight for the last 2-years of high school. He talked in TLAs. He went Reserves and then told me he was planning on going Active. I worry, but less so as I grow used to the military life. I am learning to live with the threat and the most important thing I have learned is that the military did not increase the risk of harm to sons that much. Really what it did is it greatly increased my own awareness and understanding of the frailty of human life. I have read many stories of young soldiers coming home from 2 and 3 deployments to be killed in a car accident. It can happen to anyone at any time. I don’t worry as much now because if I did it would be a lifestyle of fret. What kind of a life is that?

I found something new to worry about lately though. It’s funny but through all of this military life, when my husband was in, when my son was fighting in the surge, when I was counting the number of men lost in his Company, I never thought I would have to worry so much about him when he’s in garrison.

There was a terror plot on Ft. Dix a few years ago. There was a terror attack on Ft. Hood several months ago, and now I read today that three of the five being detained at Ft. Jackson for poisoning the food our soldiers eat have been cleared. Two have not been. My soldier ate at that DFAC up until December. The investigation started in December. This tells me he was there and eating the food that was potentially being threatened with poison.

The news is saying that the Army is purporting that “no one was ever in danger.” Funny, but that’s the same BS line we got about how the warning signs of Nidal Hasan were handled too. I’m not buying it.

It really sucks when you have to worry about terrorist attacks while in garrison. Maybe I am jumping the gun with my conclusions to the stuff going on at Ft. Jackson, but what if I’m not. What is the Army going to do?

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Things you should know if you want to marry a soldier

By Claire
Posted in Spouse and Family

I hear a lot from girls who are in love with a soldier… or think they are in love, or who want to marry a man they have met who is in the military. I don’t think it’s good to beat around the bush, so here’s a few answers to more common things I have heard from girlfriends and fiances.

If you are in a serious relationship with someone is already a soldier, or are very attracted to men in uniform and would like to be seriously involved with a soldier, there are a few things you need to know… If you marry a soldier:

• you also marry the military. If he is a career soldier, you had better learn to love it or at least be at peace with it. Don’t use the military against him, and know his intentions from the beginning. Don’t marry a man who is intending on staying in for 20-years and then blackmail him later with guilt because he keeps signing back on.
• be prepared for deployment. Don’t say “if” but make plans and say “when.” No matter his job he will more than likely deploy at least once. If he’s in a combat position or other vital areas be prepared for several deployments. If you can not live with this then you need to be honest and tell him NOW. Don’t wait until you are leaving him 3-years into the marriage because you didn’t open your eyes and look honestly at the commitment you were making before you said “I do.”
• while you are dating or engaged, go ahead and get a good sense of who you are when he is away in training or deployed. If you are very needy and feel incomplete when he is away then work on yourself now. Marriage does not take your insecurities away, but sometimes it can magnify them if they are not dealt with. Finish your education, figure out who you are, what you like and what you are going to do to constructively fill your time when he is away.
• this figuring out includes your need for physical contact also. If you need a lot of physical contact and feel you can not stay faithful to a man who is gone a lot, then don’t do this to him or yourself. Find yourself someone who is home and doesn’t travel for a living.
• don’t fall in love with the uniform, the image or any other aspect of the military first. You must love the man in the uniform first and foremost. The man in that uniform you love may also be a man who comes home with injuries including PTSD, TBI or other physical wounds. He needs a wife who loves HIM and not just who he is when he’s strong and healthy and “hooahing” it up. Marriage is a public partnership, but a privately intimate “soulship” where both partners learn to give more than they take. If you do not think you can love this man if he came home with severe, life-threatening and life-altering wounds, then don’t marry him. When you say “for better or for worse” to a military man that includes the real “worst” that war has to offer (including raising your children as a widow).
• if you are not a strong communicator or you have a lot of huge insecurities that leave you needing constant feedback and reassurance, then go to therapy before you marry. Women tend to be the stronger communicators in the relationship arena. You have to be a master at it and you have to be creative too.
• if you think that marrying a soldier will make your life anything like the wives on “Military Wives” or “The Unit” then you need a serious reality check. If all that I have written sounds like too much work, then ask a military wife for yourself. Find one who has been through several deployments, has children, and who has a full and interesting life. The military community is full of them. Don’t ask her how she does it, but watch her do it for a while. Ask her for her advice.

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Talking with Children about Upsetting News Events

February 12, 2010 By Claire
Posted in Spouse and Family

I came across the following topic on Massachusetts General Hospital’s forums. It was well written and very helpful information for all parents, but especially children of military members as they may be more sensitive to war related news.

Talking with Children about Upsetting News Events

Comments from: Paula K. Rauch, MD and colleagues from the MassGeneral Hospital for Children

EXCERPT

Dr. Rauch is a child psychiatrist who leads the Marjorie E. Korff PACT (Parenting At a Challenging Time) Program at the Massachusetts General Hospital Cancer Center. www.mghpact.org

All children are exposed to news via newspapers, radio, the Internet, and especially television. And they naturally turn to their parents with questions about what they have seen and heard. For a child whose family is impacted by the earthquake in Haiti, news about the tragedy can raise concerns about their own family’s safety. Discussing these issues poses a special challenge for parents to listen, understand, and answer their children’s questions in a manner that is both honest and reassuring. Meeting this challenge successfully strengthens your child’s inner strength, sense of security, and trust in you.

First, you know your child best. You have likely been through good time and stressful times before. How your child has reacted in the past is often a good predictor for how he or she will cope with new challenges. Think about what has been helpful for your child previously, and use these successful strategies from the past. Most children will benefit from maintaining regular routines, including daily schedules and normal expectations for schoolwork. Children will take their emotional cues from the adults in their world. If we are calm usually they will feel secure; however, it is important to talk to your child about his or her specific concerns.

Second, check in with your child. Find out what he or she has been hearing, seeing and thinking about a new event or whether it has not yet come to his or her attention. Questions such as, “Are kids at school talking about __________?” or, “ What have you heard about __________?” are good ways to open such a conversation. If your child is younger and is not aware of the news, you may elect to go no further with this conversation. If your child has heard about the news event, encourage him or her to tell you about what they’ve heard or what they think about what others are saying. Ask if they have any specific worries. To answer questions and allay fears, it is important to really understand what your child is struggling with before you move to answer or reassure him.

Third, TV images can be upsetting. Turn off the TV around young children or those who may have been upset by TV news in the past. Be mindful that coverage of the same earthquake over and over again can be misinterpreted as something that is happening repeatedly. Watch television with older children so you can answer questions and be aware of their feelings. Some older children need to be reminded that the TV images can be overwhelming and that it’s OK not to watch. This is true for many adults, who may feel better listening to radio reports or reading newspaper coverage rather than watching disturbing TV images.

Fourth, make the most of family time. Spend extra time with your children. Turn off the telephone and the TV during meals so you can talk together. Often parents can identify times in the day or activities that facilitate thoughtful conversations. Sometimes, it is while driving in the car or when a child sits with a parent who is working in the kitchen. Those are great times to check in with your child and talk. CLICK TO READ MORE

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Politicians to Military Widows, “Get lost.”

By Claire
Posted in News, Spouse and Family

Our Gold Star wives lose, again. The Widow’s Tax was not eliminated again this year. The Widow’s Tax seems to get a lot of lip service from politicians of every walk and political persuasion. It all boils down to funding priorities. No one in this country has paid a higher price for our continued freedom in this wonderful Country.

Unfortunately for them that sacrifice is not enough for the “greedy hand” of our tax hungry government.

I don’t want to link or quote the most recent article that covers it in depth since it’s an AP source. Here is a link, however, to a search on “Military Widow’s Tax” that will lead you to a lot of  recent information.

Here’s an excerpt I found that is a non-AP source and it is well written. It also explains what the tax is about for those who are unfamiliar with the history of this travesty. From Newsvine:

As written in the Washington post: “The widows’ tax is a law that won’t allow surviving spouses to receive the retirement pay due them when their spouse died from a cause related to military service, and at the same time collect the full annuity – essentially an insurance policy most of their spouses opted to buy. They paid an average of 6.5 percent of their retirement pay in premiums, often $100 or more a month.

Because one benefit is subtracted from the other, affected surviving spouses lose about $1,000 a month on average. There are about 54,000 survivors who are affected by the policy, whose spouses served in conflicts from World War II to Afghanistan, and that number could grow. READ ENTIRE ARTICLE

 

The author quotes $100 a month, but I have read it can be as high as $1000 a month depending on the worth of the annuity. So the military promotes this benefit, and takes money from the soldier’s pay for the added coverage “just in case.” That benefit is paid for so that a soldier can provide for his/her family in the case of death, right? Then the Government takes the benefit away in the name of ‘taxes.’

If “pure and undefiled religion” in the eyes of God is “visiting the widows and orphans in their distress,” then taxing their income to this degree is an outright blasphemous sin.

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Fallen Warrior Scholarship Fund

February 11, 2010 By Claire
Posted in Charities/Contests, Spouse and Family

The information below was copied from the Patriot Guard Writer’s page. Please visit their site and the scholarship fund page. Pay close attention to the deadline because it’s approaching soon.

Fallen Warrior Scholarship Fund

The Patriot Guard Riders is a nonprofit, tax exempt organization strongly supported nationally by volunteers. The Fallen Warrior Scholarship Fund has been established to provide financial assistance in the form of scholarships to US military family members of our Fallen Warriors in their pursuit of higher education.  One-year scholarships of a minimum of $2000 are awarded annually, and are limited to studies at accredited educational/technical institutions.  Scholarship awards will be made co-payable to the scholarship recipient’s institution for payment of tuition, books and supplies.  Scholarships are not automatically renewable.  Recipients must reapply each year and may receive no more than four annual scholarships.

Applicant Eligibility Requirements

• Must possess a valid military ID card and be the legal dependent of a US military member who died in the line of duty.
• Must intend to make application to or be currently enrolled as a full-time student or minimum of 12 credit/semester hours in an accredited college or trade school, in pursuit of a degree or in a vocational program pursuing certification.
• Must show proof of satisfactory academic progress: A high school diploma with a minimum 2.6 overall GPA based on a 4.0 scale or similar rating of current studies if within the last five years. Official transcripts are required.
• Must provide two letters of recommendation (one to be completed by an education or business professional).
• Must submit an original essay, typed, double spaced and a minimum of 500 and no more than 1000 words answering the following question: “How has facing the challenges presented to you affected your short-term and long-term goals, and how will further education prepare you for what you hope to achieve in the future?”  Please retype the question at the top of your essay response and omit your surname so that your essay may be evaluated objectively.
• Must provide a one page resume or list of accomplishments to include past education, training, awards/honors, volunteer and employment experiences, and special interests. Please omit your surname so that your resume may be evaluated objectively.

Selection Process

Applicants must complete and submit the attached application/certification forms along with a current copy (front and back) of their military ID, original essay, resume, and two letters of recommendation. Incomplete packages will not be accepted.  Applicants will be selected for scholarship award recommendation based on their eligibility, their commitment to succeed as indicated by academic achievement, personal goals, letters of recommendation and resume, and their original essay response.  Scholarship award recommendations and final selection will be at the discretion of the Fallen Warrior Scholarship Committee. Applicant anonymity will be preserved during the selection process.

Time Table

April 1, 2010 Deadline for application submission

May 2010 Scholarship award notification

Please submit all questions to scholarship@patriotguard.org

Mail Completed Applications to:

Linda *Epicwoman* Snyder – Administrator
PGR Fallen Warrior Scholarship 
P.O. Box 375
Idleyld Park, Oregon 97447

Click Here to Download the Application

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There must be 50 ways to leave your soldier…

February 10, 2010 By Claire
Posted in Spouse and Family

I got a link in an email taking me to an article on Salon where a former Army wife touts how easy it is to leave a soldier while he is in theater. She starts her article off by making provocative and pathetically attention seeking claims about how easy it was for her to leave her deployed husband. She writes intentionally inflammatory things because she has a book in the making. It’s obvious she is capitalizing on what is supposed to be a very private pain, and instead she has turned into some sick public celebration.

Using shock and awe for marketing is old hat, but I guess if you can’t market yourself on stellar morals and integrity you are left with the Hollywood approach. I even found it reminiscent of the old Paul Simon song “50 ways to leave your lover,” where instead of handling a relationship like an adult a man is being told to “step out the back Jack, make a new plan Stan,…” Anything but looking the other person in the relationship in the face and dealing with the issues at hand. It’s the quintessential expression of self-centeredness.

The writer only got me mildly riled because she is outrageous and she will only appeal to other outrageous people. She will not be very persuasive to audiences outside of those who would already enjoy reading what she has to say — which is really a bunch indiscriminate drivel, in my humble opinion of course.

I won’t directly quote her because I am not interested in giving this attention seeking person any more attention than what is necessary to address a few disturbing things I found in the article. If you really must read it you can do a google search for “leave soldier salon” it’s the first article to come up.

My only disclaimer for anything I say below is this: I do not judge the pain and suffering that multiple deployments cause in a marriage and on the spouse who remains at home. It is harder than anything else I have ever witnessed. I would be a hypocrite to say that I understand because I have only faced deployment as a mother. I shouldn’t say “only” because that is no walk in the park. I have faced a long separation from my husband with very little contact when he was in the Army. I know it sucks. I know it’s taxing, but he was not in a war zone so I would  never pretend to fully understand the strain. I think it is safe to say this — I know it is exhausting and it takes a tremendous toll. I may not be able to address it directly, but I am by no means clueless since I am walk this road  with my daughter-in-law right now and several other very close and personal friends.

Below are some points I want to address from the article:

• The author claims she fell in love with her soldier because he was a soldier. Romantic idealism is not a basis for a marriage. Should you marry because of this notion you are obligated to fulfill your marital vows — that is unless you thought ahead and instead of saying “until death do us part” you said “until death, boredom, or something else catches my fancy” do us part. The irony to this is she is now married to a “marxist” so it sounds as if she once again has fallen in love with an identity instead of a person. I wonder how long it will take before the ’sexiness’ of Marxism wears off for her. Yes, the thought of her need for lithium did come to mind.
• Sacrifices in military life are two way. The second that either party — the deployed or those waiting at home — fail to empathize with what the other is going through then problems start. It’s vital that the military marriage is viewed by both parties as a partnership and not merely as an “inconvenient truth.” This is not saying that even the strongest military marriages are not stretched beyond their means at times, but the resentment level seems to be lower when both spouses have a partnership mentality.
• War protests (and therefore protesters) make life harder on military families. Newly released research clearly shows that military spouses and military children do better during multiple deployment if they don’t have Marxist hippies holding stupid signs that say asinine things like “no war for oil.” Spouses and children fight warfare in their minds daily. They do not need idiots outside their place of residence who then like to add insult to injury. I just had to mention this since said author makes it a point to state that the “Marxist” she is married to now had participated in protests while she was a military wife. Ironic, no?
• Even though there are “50 ways to leave your lover” there is only one way to leave your children. It’s called abandonment. The final paragraphs of this article cover how the author’s son has chosen the path of his father (and millions of other wonderful men through out the Centuries) to serve this great Nation. The one statement she made that I can address head on is her concern about how it might feel to love her son now that he is a military member. My first thought was WTF? Then I reread it because I was sure she had said something else, right? No. She had to ask, and all I have to say is if you have to ask a question like that it really is time to learn a little something called sacrificial, unconditional, selfless love. If you failed to do this in marriage, now is the time to practice the concept. You love your soldier, sailor, marine, or airman like you always have, and then some. You work hard and sacrifice for them while they are working hard and sacrificing for you.  The only other thought I had, pardon the crude expression, was to woman-up and grow a set of ovaries!
• An issue I discussed here a while back that is detrimental to military families is the entitlement mentality. Freedom, liberty and our personal pursuits are intricately tied up in our responsibilities. This concept is becoming more and more foreign in our culture. Everyone has an excuse for why they can’t follow through — I even heard a young woman the other day assigning what “percentage” of blame she owned in a situation. Have we become so petty and so cowardice that we can’t own the responsibility that is rightfully ours? It’s time to put big girl pants on and deal with it. We are not entitled to erotic love or even sexual gratification. I know our culture is steeped in it, but there are bigger things in this life. Sex is a wonderful and beautiful part of marriage — I am no prude!  For the love of all things good it’s not the main goal in life and if it is you are officially diagnosable.

The only other advice I offer is this — if you are a disgruntled ex-wife or ex-girlfriend of a military member and plan on writing a book any time soon, never use the back of a deployed soldier you kicked in the face as your platform for sympathy. Not only is it the most classless thing you can do, but it will backfire on you. Any brilliance you presume to have will be outdone by brave women wearing Gold Stars. Other women I know shine their Blue Stars every morning and they get up and deal with the life they have before them.

Plain and simple – I do not hear self-pity from them and they have a reason to express their pain and suffering. I think pity and whining sums up  what I  heard in the tone of that article.

One further illumination of  the point are the Silver Star families. There are hundreds of spouses, parents, friends and loved ones who are caring for their wounded warriors. I have three good friends who have husbands with severe TBI, PTSD and two have been through multiple surgeries to correct wounds they sustained by IEDs. These women do not feel cheated. Everyday they wake up happy they married a man with substance to his character, and a man who stands for the right things and not selfish motivations. They are grateful for the hardships they face each day with doctor’s appointments, procedures, and problem solving around memory issues, because they know the alternative would have meant burying their husbands. One of my friends told me a while back that people have asked her if she knew then what she knows now, would she have married a soldier? She told me with tears in her eyes, “I tell them proudly that I would. I have no regrets and count myself blessed to love my husband who just so happens to be a soldier.”

That’s the difference between falling in love with an idea and falling in love with a man.

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