Monthly Archives: October 2010

Accentuate the Positive: What does encourage military families?

Claire Shackelford and Carrie Costantini

Earlier I wrote about some pretty crazy things I have heard others say either to my own or to other military families over the years. Then I shared an email that a friend sent to me outlining some things that another spouse or two had come across (I don’t now the source of that one, but it’s good.) The last piece I wrote was a backdrop to this one and was a good primer on empathy — a way to care for other people that is costly to the listener. It takes time and it takes insight. It’s something that is intentional and takes some practice, but some people get so good at it that it just happens naturally. These are the people who never seem at a loss for the right words at the right time.

Today though I want to write about the positive at the suggestion of a friend and fellow military mom and spouse. When I had posted the first two she came up with a great idea of “accentuating the positive,” and here I am today.

The ideas below are from the interactions I had with Carrie and the suggestions she garnered from fellow military spouses.

Carrie’s opinion, and I wholeheartedly agree,  is that civilians should consider is “accentuating the positive.”

She stated “Upon finding out that your family member is deployed to a combat zone, maybe ask what their job is over there or say,”you must be proud of them.”

This is where I was getting stuck in trying to write a post. In the end, a simple,”tell them thank you for their service” can never go wrong.”

I agree. Even if you don’t know what to say then a simple act or gesture of appreciation is always appreciated back. Why? Because the sacrifices our families make are not subjective and they are not created in a vacuum. These sacrifices are created by war and by our loved ones’ response to war by joining the volunteer military to defend our Nation. There are a lot of things to be grateful for when you think of our soldiers standign in proxy for you and your loved ones.

Here are some thoughts from some other military spouses:

• “Thank you for being there to support your Marine!”
• “It is so much easier to remember all the bad and stupid things people said and asked. On Military Spouse Appreciation Day 2007 (I think; Eric was deployed at the time), a co-worker brought me a lovely flower arrangement with a card saying thank you for all that
• I do as a military spouse. That was very special.”
• “My husband said some nice stuff about me supporting him at his going away, and a very nice lady he worked with gave me a flower arrangement as well. That was totally unexpected! Just because I am his wife!”
• “Thank you. We need more wives like you.”
• “You make it look so easy.”  — This is MUCH better than “I don’t know how you do it!”
• “The day that Will got back from Iraq, I got a call from an old friend of ours. He wanted to tell me before Will got home and things got crazy,”Even though you don’t wear a uniform, Carrie, you serve too.” And I don’t know that I agree with …him but I did cry.”

I announced on our last radio show that there would be a giveaway for a free Yoga Parenting online course.

This generous offer was made by the ladies I had the pleasure of chatting with about their “off the mat” practice of yoga principles and how they are effective in parenting (and really life in general!)

I wanted to remind you to listen to the radio show HERE to learn about Yoga Parenting and what it is!

And then go to their website, sign up for their wonderful and FREE newsletter. Put “You Served” as the “referrer” and you will be automatically entered in the drawing! It’s that simple… so go and do it! The winner will be announced here at You Served! Go HERE to sign up!