Monthly Archives: July 2010

PTSD: Why Is Daddy Like He Is?

Below is an excellent article written in 1995. It’s a great primer and introduction to PTSD, and it also would be a great way for younger teens and kids to learn about it.

Why Is Daddy Like He Is?
By Patience H. C. Mason

I used to think that if I was quiet as a mouse, my Daddy would be okay. But that’s not true.

My Mom says my Dad has PTSD.

“What’s PTSD, Mom?” I asked. She likes to explain things.

“P” is for post, which means after.
“T” is for traumatic–dangerous.
So the letters PT stand for Post-Traumatic, but they mean “after danger.”
“What about the SD, Mom?”

“S” is for stress, because it’s very stressful to be in danger.
“D” is for disorder. That means your life gets out of order. Your life isn’t like it would have been if you’d never been in danger.
“The whole word, PTSD, means after the terrible danger, a person can have this disorder.”

“PTSD is a normal reaction to really bad experiences, like seeing your house burn down or seeing someone killed–not killed like on TV, but killed for real, like when the kitty was run over.”

“Yeah,” I Said. “I remember that. I still feel awful about it sometimes.”

“Daddy has PTSD from the war. He saw people killed and houses burn and it’s hard for him to get over that.”

My mom likes to talk a lot.

“Yeah, but why does he always talk about the war?” I asked.

Why does he have nightmares? Why can’t we touch him when he’s asleep?

Why does he yell so much?
Why won’t he talk to me?
Why won’t he listen to me?
Why doesn’t he like me?
Why doesn’t he spend time with us?
Why is he so bossy about everything?
Why does he always worry about something happening to me?
Why won’t he let me do anything?
“When you have a cold you have symptoms,” Mom explained, “like a runny nose and cough.
Daddy has symptoms, too.”

“Some of his PTSD symptoms are numb symptoms– Sometimes it seems like he doesn’t have caring feelings…like he’s not there.

“Daddy had to numb his feelings in Vietnam so he could do his job and now it’s hard for him to show that he cares, but he does care.”

Mom told me some of the other symptoms are remembering symptoms. That is why Daddy talks about it so much. He can’t forget.

That’s probably why he worries so much. And why he doesn’t want us to do things. He is remembering that a little mistake can make someone die.
He wants us to be safe.
He wants to protect us from everything.
His nightmares are remembering symptoms, too.

Some of the symptoms of PTSD are like freak-out symptoms.
Daddy got used to being real alert and ready for attacks even when he was sleeping. Now he reacts before he’s awake as if he still needs to protect himself from being killed. That’s why we don’t touch him when he’s asleep. He might hit us thinking he was still in the war.

Mom thinks that is also why he gets mad so fast.
Sometimes in a war you have to get that mad to have the strength to save your life.
You don’t have time to think it over in a war–you just get mad.
When he gets mad real fast it sure can scare me!

Mom said sometimes the symptoms combine, too–combine means add together– and men like Daddy can be so numb, they don’t know they are getting angry until they are angry to control it.

And sometimes they can be so numb, they don’t even know they are yelling.

“When Daddy was in the war, some of his friends were killed, too. But there was too much danger to sit down and cry. When you cried about the kitty, it helped you feel better, remember?” Mom said.

“Daddy had to get angry to stay alive, and he never got a chance to cry, so he’s stuck in being angry a lot of the time.”

“Remember how mad you were at whoever ran over kitty? Well, daddy is that mad too.
He’s angry about what happened in the war, But the anger ends up getting splattered all over us.”

I used to think that if Mom and I were nice enough, Daddy wouldn’t be so unhappy;

if I were neat enough and never made a mess;
if I were polite enough and never got smart with Dad or Mom;
if I worked hard and got good grades;
if I hit a lot of home runs at Little League;
then Daddy would be nice, too.
When I would try real hard and Daddy was still upset, I would get real depressed.

Mom says trying real hard might make Daddy seem better for a little while, But nothing we do here and now can change what happened to him in the war.

We’re not responsible and we can’t fix it.
The war gave Daddy the symptoms, and he has to work on them himself. There are groups that can help him when he is ready to help himself.

Daddy will hurt a lot when he goes into therapy–that’s what they call the groups. He’ll hurt because he will have to remember all the bad things.
He’ll be angry and very, very sad.
We’ll have to let him feel bad.

We’re allowed to feel sad, too.
But because we know we’re not responsible for how bad he feels, It will be easier for us to love him while he goes through it.

Now that we know Daddy has a disorder, we don’t have to be angry at him for having symptoms.

We can love him, and we can begin to learn how to be happy, again, even though he still has problems.

I always felt so different from my friends because it seems so easy for them to get along with their dads.

I still am different, but it doesn’t seem like a bad difference now, because I understand more about my Dad.

We hope Daddy will get better, but until he does, we will be all right.

I’m just a kid, Mom says, and my job is to be a kid.

to get into messes,
to ask questions,
to need help from grownups,
to make mistakes and learn from them,
to be human,
and to grow up some with each passing year.

©1995 by Patience H. C. Mason. All rights reserved, except that permission is hereby granted to freely reproduce and distribute this document, provided the text is reproduced unaltered and entire (including this notice) and is distributed free of charge.

How much do you tell your deployed soldier?

I have heard this question many times, and during Mike’s first deployment I found myself asking the same question. There is no clear cut or cookie cutter answer. A lot of it depends on your relationship with your soldier and your preferences as a family. It’s very important for you and your soldier to have this discussion during a time when you can be very open and honest with one another (when you are saying your final goodbyes is generally not a good time!).

There are different types of information to consider and figure out what he wants to hear and know about while he is deployed. The first is the day in and day out hum-drum routines of life. I found that both my husband and son enjoyed hearing about the mundane things like doctor’s appointments, the car breaking down, and how the moves went while they were away. I was careful to not just complain to them when frustrations cropped up because I know my guys — they want to fix things. It was my goal to share with them, but not leave them frustrated or feeling helpless to help me with things when we hung up. Often times I would share with them a particular struggle I had after I had solved it. They could give me good feedback to consider, but we could hang up and they knew the problem was taken care of.

The next level of information is sensitive information, but not something that is drastically life changing like a severe illness, terminal diagnosis or death in the family. This is the gray area and often the one family members struggle with. We faced a situation like this when Mike was in Iraq the last time. My mother, his grandmother, was diagnosed with lung cancer and would need a pretty serious surgery. It wasn’t  imminently life threatening, but the threat of it turning that way quickly was very real. He was coming home on leave and would be here shortly after her surgery, but at the same time he was right smack in the middle of the surge in Diyala, and he’s in combat arms. They were doing a lot of missions and I knew he was extremely focused. Our phone calls were very, very, short and often just for a minute or two before he would leave off on another mission. He was outside the wire more than inside, and finding the time and opportunity to tell him was very hard. Continue reading

You Served Radio: New Day, New Time

You Served Radio is moving! We’ll continue to broadcast our show on Blog Talk Radio, but starting with our 100th episode, we’ll be on Tuesdays at 8 PM eastern! Mark your calendars now for our first Tuesday show on 2 August, 2010. You won’t want to miss this!

CJ, Troy, and I are excited to mark a milestone in You Served Radio history. None of us thought we would see 100 shows when this started. Thank you to everyone who has helped make this possible, including Josh Dippold, Wendy, our chat room regulars, and all of our guests. We appreciate all your support and look forward to the next 100 shows!

Carson Daly interview with Severe Clear creator Mike Scotti

A few months back we had former Marine CPT Mike Scotti on You Served Radio talking about his expereinces in Afghanistan and Iraq and about his making of the movie “Severe Clear”. I have personally talked to Mike some since then about some different initiatives he is working on just catching up since we interviewed him. Recently he was profiled on co-creator of the #militarymon trend on twitter, Carson Daly (who co-created the tag with our great friend Greta Perry of www.kissmygumbo.com). It was a great interview and gives the viewer a little more insight into Mike’s thinking.

Response To Media’s Attack on Popaditch

The Blackfive Boys put up a post today about Iraq veteran Nick Popaditch who is running for public office. Popaditch is a Purple Heart recipient and the target of nasty attacks the focus not on issues or political topics, but his war injuries.

After sharing the link to this post on my Facebook page and urging people to take action, a good friend and great artist, Michael Sutherland created a response cartoon that better suits Popaditch’s sacrifice to this nation:

Michael is a part of Clayton’s “Untold Stories From Iraq and Afghanistan” project and you can find more of his work HERE, including this image.

Stupid, Callous Murderers

That’s what Ethan McCord thinks those in the military are according to a quote he stands by on his Facebook page:

“War paralyzes your courage and deadens the spirit of true manhood. It degrades and stupefies with the sense that you are not responsible, that ’tis not yours to think and reason why, but to do and die,’ like the hundred thousand others doomed like yourself. War means blind obedience, unthinking stupidity, brutish callousness, wanton destruction, and irresponsible murder.”
—Alexander Berkman

Yup, the Russian anarchist and attempted murderer Alexander Berkman. THIS is the man that the anti-war crowd calls their hero and quotes.

Naturally, I thought the quote was kind of stupid and ignorant considering the man never served in combat or went to war at all. He’s never even served in the military, yet Ethan McCord freely quotes him – his right to do, of course.

Some may be asking why the name Ethan McCord sounds so familiar. He, along with fellow anti-war former Soldier Josh Stieber, were the ones that wrote the public apology to the families of the people killed in the infamous Wikileaks video that the treasonous PFC Bradley Manning illegally released. These anti-war folks like to call the war illegal while ironically supporting people who break the law.

My response to the above quote was simple: “Berkman sounds pretty ignorant. Obviously didn’t serve in the American military.” But, boy did it rub the nerves of one of McCord’s leftist, anti-war loons. I call him a loon because he’s all over the map like every liberal loon idiot (which doesn’t describe liberal fan and reader Bob Allen at all, by the way) blaming Halliburton, an “illegal occupation”, and blaming America for the world’s woes.

McCord’s supporter responded broadly.

“What are you talking about Grisham. There is no difference between the way we have been conducting war, and the way other nations have. And I have served and continue to serve.”

No difference, eh? To which nations are we being compared? Iran? North Korea? Iraq, circa 1990′s? So, I made some more points and asked some simple questions:

So Eric, you’re saying that you and I are stupid,callous, murderers? Sorry but that doesn’t describe me or the Soldiers I’ve deployed with and continue to serve with. If that DOES describe you, I highly suggest you stop serving and do the nation a favor.

I’m not sure why he continues to use my last name in responding to me, but that’s okay. We are in the military and that is how Soldiers are generally addressed. His response is where he starts to reveal his true colors:

Grisham. I don’t know you, therefore I can’t comment whether you are stupid, callous or a murderer. I certainly am not. However, during my combat experiences I certainly did things that I probably wouldn’t have done if I was in a more mature or experienced frame of mind. And I certainly saw decisions made and missions conducted that were just so far of the mark of rational thought that it was disturbing. So, most people in the armed services are good people, and I enjoy serving my country for these people. And it is quite audacious of you to suggest that I should stop serving my country. However, there are also plenty of sociopaths and murderrs among our ranks. And I do feel it is our responsibility to speak out against them and their actions, because we are “supposed” to be better than that. All I am saying is Americans are capable of every villainous act that any other group of people are. And like it or not, we have been trained to dehumanize all those who aren’t American. That is why we have terms like “bad guy” or “Haji” or “Sand Nigger.” As a result over 1.4 million Iraqi’s have died as a direct result of our occupation. And of course over 5,000 Americans in OIF. And there is no “Iraqi Freedom,” as a result. There still is not consistent delivery of electricity or running water commensurate to the pre-war levels. This war was illegal and wrong. It was conducted merely for interest of corporate profiteering and benefited no one other than the few who profited. We were “used.” I love my country, but I am not going to rally around the flag and rhetoric in order to ignore the facts.

I love how those that disagree with our actions in Iraq and Afghanistan resort to making cases out of small minorities. My reply:

Eric, your generalizations are just as bad as Berkman the anarchist. I’m not saying there are no bad soldiers in the military, but they are by no means enough of a minority to warrant such blanket statements.

I’ve only been under one command that seemed to allow (by neglect) statements and terms like those you quote above. Every other unit has made strict rules prohibiting them.

Your comment about 1.4 million Iraqis dying is just plain factually inaccurate. If that were true, more than 16500 Iraqis would have to be killed EVERY SINGLE MONTH since the [war started in March 2003]. Even the most ignorant and biased of estimates don’t come close. It’s a false argument used to make our military look bad and you are just propagating the myth. Even Iraq Body Count doesn’t come close to that. It’s a lie created by the idiots in IVAW, Code Pink, and ANSWER.

Saying that there us no Iraqi freedom is also a lie. They have numerous free elections, they now enjoy the modern technology of cell phones, internet, and satellite television that didn’t exist for the common citizen prior to my arrival in Baghdad in April 2003.

There is nothing “illegal” about this war, but we can easily disagree about whether it us wrong it not. It’s a matter of opinion. Please continue to speak out against the few that go beyond our duty to protect the innocent, take the law into their own hands, and give the good guys a bad name. I don’t regret a single life I’ve taken because each and every bullet that left my rifle and pistol was a legitimate Target.

I would throw your words back at you to talk facts instead of rhetoric, which your reply was full of.

As a matter of fact, the anti-war site, Iraq Body Count, lists its highest estimates at a mere 105,000 – nowhere near the 1.4 million that the ignorant anti-war left swears by. The site even laments that “it is unfortunate that the most careful and well-resourced survey work in this area (from the UNDP and WHO) has been scarcely visible, while the most flawed and inadequate work has dominated public discourse. This has been largely due to the shocking (but ultimately numbing) effect of their hugely exaggerated death toll figures.” And people like Ethan McCord and his fans continue to try and use these “surveys” to dominate all aspects of the media. Have you noticed too that those who were shoving those numbers in our faces throughout Bush’s term are strangely silent now in keeping tabs on body counts? Anyway, the response to my comment comes quickly:

About the Iraqi body count, I refer you to the work of Les Roberts, published in the peer-reviewed British Medical Journal the Lancet, one article in 2003, the another in 2006, and I believe there are subsequent calculations to come to the current number of 1.4 million. His article fully explains how these numbers were derived. Furthermore, as a private citizen, in a forum such as this I can say whatever I want, as long as I don’t use my official title. And the free elections can’t even serve as a substitute for the destruction of infrastructure and loss of life and security that this people has suffered. Moreover, many of these elections at least in the beginning were manipulated by our state department. And cell phones and satellite TV exist throughout the Middle East, if they weren’t there under Sadam, they definitely would have found their way there. They were there when I arrived in OCT of 2003. Moreover, these tools of communication have nothing to do with “freedom.” That is like saying, well they didn’t have “McDonalds” before. Freedom involves human rights, access to adequate infrustructer, access to education, access to healthcare, the hope of upward social mobilitiy, adequate security and so on. And this war was absolutely illegal, and broke all kinds of international laws. And speaking out against the things we have done wrong, is not speaking out against the fine men and women who do serve our country. I am one of those people. And I certainly am not against shooting when being shot at. But I also am not foolheaded enough to think that we haven’t been the illegitimate aggressor on numerous occaisions. War is incredibly complex. Everyone understands that. Perhaps you should watch the film “What happened at Haditha,” which portrays this complexity adequately. We were supposed to win the hearts and minds and enable them to rebuild their country. We have not directed enough planning, effort, or resources toward that goal. But we certainly lined the pockets of KBR and Halliburton, and found a way to enable a parallel private Armies (e.g. Blackwater). Anyway…..I am sure we disagree on many things. Just because I have served with good people, should not obligate me to blind allegiance to incredibly misguided policies.

It’s interesting that of all the estimates and surveys done on this subject, Les Roberts’ survey is the only one that even approaches the million death mark. The study has been torn apart so many times for its methodology and the fact that there were no safeguards to ensure that deaths weren’t reported more than once by different families who may be of the same tribe or extended family reporting the same person multiple times. Furthermore, I never once mentioned that the writer couldn’t say anything he wanted. I just informed him he should be truthful about what he DOES say and refrain from misleading people. It’s a common tactic for a losing argument – feign being attacked. I responded to most of these point, but some were obviously so asinine that they weren’t worth arguing over.

Again, you come with more rhetoric and no facts. The fact – FACT – is that they were not allowed to own those “tools of communication” but can now is called freedom. And, if they had a McDonalds now, something they never had before, is a change due to government regulation and oppression, then that fits the definition of freedom too. Now, if they didn’t have a McDonalds because the people didn’t want it or because it violated some sort of constitutional practice, THEN your point would be valid and less rhetorical.

Freedom does involve human rights, something nonexistent before we removed SAddam. I personally saw the skeletons of human beings thrown in Uday’s lion’s cage in Baghdad. I spoke with victims of his atrocities, men who were castrated for refusing to allowing Saddam to take their daughters. Don’t even get me started on “adequate infrastructure” when electrical grids everywhere BUT Baghdad and Tikrit consisted of thousands of wires and cables strewn loosely and lowly above the streets and routed through large, dilapidated generators. The streets were the sewers. Farmers weren’t allowed to cultivate their crops without permission from the government, regardless of whether or not they were ready.

Have you been to Iraq? The people love us there now. As a matter of fact, they loved us when I was there. Yeah, we screwed royally in some cases (Abu Ghraib being the grossest example), but we aren’t the killers and murderers you’re trying to portray us as.

You say it’s illegal. Cite the “international laws” that were broken. Meanwhile, I’ll cite several “international laws” that authorized the use of force: UN Resolutions 660, 678, 1382, and finally 1441 in November 2002. Facts, not rhetoric. You used the term, now abide by it.

That includes your so-called 1.4 million figure. Are you honestly saying that at least 16,000 Iraqis have been killed EVERY SINGLE MONTH since March 2003? That’s the only way 1.4 million Iraqis could have been killed. If you are saying that, provide the facts, not more rhetoric.

The reason I bring this into the public forum is to basically further show the kind of person that Ethan McCord is. But, it’s also bring to a public discourse. Do you or someone you know still believe in the 1.4 million number? If so, I want to hear where these facts come from. I want someone to tell me that they honestly believe that over 16,500 Iraqi civilians have been killed EVERY month since March 2003 when the highest monthly death toll doesn’t even reach 2500. I await your input as well as a response from my antagonizer on Facebook.

Video Shrinks Distance to Mental Health Care

Soldiers had “face to face” conversations with mental health professionals as part of the Virtual Behavioral Health Program, a limited pilot program within Western Regional Medical Command. The Veterans Affairs Department and the Defense Department’s National Center for Tele-health and Technology are studying how tele-mental health care might work. Proponents see it as a means to address rising numbers of Soldiers with PTSD, ease the stigma attached to mental health issues and bridge gaps between troops at rural posts and doctors in urban facilities. A majority of Soldiers surveyed said they preferred that the person screening them was far away and that it heightened the sense of confidentiality. To read this article in its entirety, please go to:http://www.armytimes.com/news/2010/06/army_video_mental_health_061310w/


Video Interview with Craig Morgan

If you don’t know Craig Morgan you should. He is a hell of a singer and quite a patriot. A soldiers, Jumpmaster with a combat jump, veteran of Operation Just Cause, and very talented country singer just to name a few of his traits. I was only supposed to get five minutes with Craig, but it turned into more like 15-20 minutes. We were invited into his private bus and got to spend some time before and a lot of time after the interview below talking with him. Craig was a 13F (Forward Observer) in the army and has served in Korea and in the 3rd Ranger Battalion. In fact, in our discussions after the interview Craig and I realized we both knew and served with some of the same people.

You Served Interview with Craig Morgan from You Served Radio & Blog on Vimeo.

This interview is between Troy of YouServed.com and country superstar and former airborne jumpmaster, Craig Morgan. Craig was recently playing at Jam in the Valley in Varysburg, NY where Troy caught up with him. The interview was performed in Craig’s tour bus just a little while before he went on stage to play.

The video below is Craig Morgan’s “Paradise” that he talked about in the interview above. Click on it to watch a great video made up of Craig’s pictures from his military career.

http://www.cmt.com/videos/craig-morgan/46419/paradise.jhtml

Custody Rights for Deployed Troops

The Defense State Liaison Office has helped persuade 36 states to pass laws aimed at protecting Servicemembers’ custody rights while deployed. Rep. Michael Turner (R-OH) and Stephanie Herseth Sandlin (D-S.D.) have requested that more specific language be included regarding custody rights in the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act, H.R. 4699, a federal law that gives troops special legal privileges not afforded civilians. Their bill has bipartisan support and was included in the annual defense authorization act by the House Armed Services Committee in May. Along with preventing state courts from using deployments against troops in custody disputes, the provision would also prohibit them from permanently altering custody orders during a parent’s deployment and would require pre-deployment custody to be reinstated unless that is not in the best interest of the child. To read this article in its entirety, please go to: http://www.stripes.com/debate-lingers-over-how-to-protect-deployed-troops-custody-rights-1.107072 or you may review the legislation, at: http://thomas.loc.gov


Soldier Killed On Independence Day While On Leave

Here’s a name that I can’t recall seeing anywhere in the news, but thought you needed to know his name.

On July 4, 2010 – the 234th birthday of this great nation – PFC Ryan Buckles was stabbed to death while home on leave in Montana. Ryan was born on February 3, 1989 to Sheila Greybull and Morris Buckles in Williston, ND. In high school, he was voted Homecoming Prince and always had a smile on his face, according to family and friends.

PFC Buckles entered the U.S. Army in September 2008, stationed at Ft. Campbell, KY, and was preparing to be deployed to Afghanistan with the Headquarters Company 2nd Battalion of the 506th Infantry Regiment. Ryan was a fan of the North Carolina Tarheels, Denver Broncos, Oregon Ducks, and Portland Trailblazers and attended most sporting events with his cousin, Carlon.

Funeral services will be held 10 a.m. Saturday, July 10, 2010 at the Poplar Cultural Center in Poplar, MT. Interment will follow at the Poplar City Cemetery in Poplar, MT.

Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer has ordered that the U.S. flag and the Montana flag be flown at half-staff on Saturday, July 10th, 2010. The alleged killer, Curtis Eder, has pleaded not guilty to murder and aggravated-assault charges in the case. His final post on Facebook was “on my way home to raise some hell.. chea”.