A Blue Star Mother Worries

I have always said, and proven by example, that mothers can bring worry and neurotic fears to a whole new level of angst and suffering. We can’t help it. It’s who we are. I fight hard against allowing fear and anxiety to rule my life. I sleep well, most nights, and I am getting better about praying when I am anxious.

I worried when my oldest son joined in ’04. I worried that the shoulder he broke in Jr. High would give him fits when it was pushed to the limits at his Infantry OSUT. It did give him fits, and he gave it fits right back. He made it through and worked through the pain. He is stronger for it.

I worried when he told me he was going to deploy. I didn’t go ballistic. I knew it was coming. I still worried. The casualties coming out of Iraq at that time were at a peak, and it was going to be a hard deployment for me. He’s a Stryker Soldier and an Infantry dude. He kicks in doors and does dangerous things. He loves his job. I worried. He buried more friends than I ever have. He saw more horrific death than I ever will. The surge and the war gave him hell. He gave it right back. He’s deployed again. This time the conditions are different, but I still worry about it. He’s fine though. I know it.

I worried when my youngest signed up. I knew it was coming. He was wearing a high and tight for the last 2-years of high school. He talked in TLAs. He went Reserves and then told me he was planning on going Active. I worry, but less so as I grow used to the military life. I am learning to live with the threat and the most important thing I have learned is that the military did not increase the risk of harm to sons that much. Really what it did is it greatly increased my own awareness and understanding of the frailty of human life. I have read many stories of young soldiers coming home from 2 and 3 deployments to be killed in a car accident. It can happen to anyone at any time. I don’t worry as much now because if I did it would be a lifestyle of fret. What kind of a life is that?

I found something new to worry about lately though. It’s funny but through all of this military life, when my husband was in, when my son was fighting in the surge, when I was counting the number of men lost in his Company, I never thought I would have to worry so much about him when he’s in garrison.

There was a terror plot on Ft. Dix a few years ago. There was a terror attack on Ft. Hood several months ago, and now I read today that three of the five being detained at Ft. Jackson for poisoning the food our soldiers eat have been cleared. Two have not been. My soldier ate at that DFAC up until December. The investigation started in December. This tells me he was there and eating the food that was potentially being threatened with poison.

The news is saying that the Army is purporting that “no one was ever in danger.” Funny, but that’s the same BS line we got about how the warning signs of Nidal Hasan were handled too. I’m not buying it.

It really sucks when you have to worry about terrorist attacks while in garrison. Maybe I am jumping the gun with my conclusions to the stuff going on at Ft. Jackson, but what if I’m not. What is the Army going to do?