The End Of Terrorism

April 4, 2009 By
Posted in Uncategorized

This past week, I got my official marching orders from the military: we are no longer to call it the “War on Terrorism” or “Global War on Terrorism”. The new official term is “Overseas Contingency Operations”. I no longer has access to GWOT funds to conduct my missions. They are now called OCOF , (Overseas Contingency Operations Funds). This obviously begs a lot of questions to be asked.

If we can no longer use the term terrorism, how will be conduct counter-terrorism operations? What do we call terrorists? In the interest of public clarification, I’d like to offer the new Obama Dictionary of Former Terrorist Terms and their new translations.

Global War on Terrorism = Overseas Contingency Operations
Terrorism = no longer exists, strike from English vocabulary unless talking about the Bush administration
Terrorists = Overseas Contingency Operators or Obama’s Base
Domestic Terrorism = Domestic Bushism
Terrorist Cells = PACs
9/11 Terrorist Attacks = The Great Misunderstanding

And now what are we going to call terrorist attacks here at home? Will we call them Domestic Contingency Operations? And why stop with redefining terrorism? Let’s redefine other national security crimes against our country as well. May I suggest the following renaming of terms?

Espionage should now be called Foreign Derived Stealth Peeks. Sedition will be addressed as Alternative Democracy. Subversion will be added to the Constitution as an addition to the Bill of Rights and no longer made illegal provided such previously considered activities that were defined as subversion are directed against the war, gays in the military, or speaking out publicly against the Bush Administration.

Additionally, with the deletion of the term “terrorism” from our vocabulary, we are to immediately provide political sanctuary to the misunderstood souls previously labeled with the obviously defamatory use of said terms and phrases. A portion of New York, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Nevada, and half of California will be set aside for these individuals to relocate. All foreclosed properties in said states will be given as reparations for years of bombing, public slander, and torture. The tax code will hereby create a separate category similar to the Native Americans that provides tax exemption to those formerly mislabeled as bad people.

7 Responses to The End Of Terrorism

  1. Furthermore, all references to the conflicts formerly known as World War I and World War II will be changed to read respectively; The Little One and The Big One.

  2. Is this what was meant by an end to the wars. Since they are no longer called wars that means that he ended them right.

  3. We certainly would not want to offend those who threaten to kill us and destroy our country unfairly by labeling them as terrorists.

  4. Oh My Goodness, what else will Obama come up with next?! I shudder to think about it and things are looking very scary in D.C now. Does Obama think by changing the name of the “War on Terror” and terrorists that they will like us any better or will just go away….I think not. All he’s doing is showing them just how weak he seems by doing this. All the terrorists understand is strength and power.

    At least when President Bush was in the White House we knew that we were safer from terrorists. Talk all they want to about Bush but he did do everything he could to keep this country safe.

  5. Well this all sounds correct. Common sense is now called “mass propriety of thought.” Liberty is soon going to be known as “that thing we used to enjoy.”

  6. You did a good job poking sarcasm at this ridiculous topic. But seriously, what are we supposed to do when our own president doesn’t recognize the threat we face or the cause for which you have all given so much? My heart is heavy knowing this president is about to throw all the hard work and sacrifice out the window and make us more vulnerable than ever before.

  7. Pingback: The War That Never Was « A Soldier's Perspective

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