This past week, I got my official marching orders from the military: we are no longer to call it the “War on Terrorism” or “Global War on Terrorism”. The new official term is “Overseas Contingency Operations”. I no longer has access to GWOT funds to conduct my missions. They are now called OCOF , (Overseas Contingency Operations Funds). This obviously begs a lot of questions to be asked.
If we can no longer use the term terrorism, how will be conduct counter-terrorism operations? What do we call terrorists? In the interest of public clarification, I’d like to offer the new Obama Dictionary of Former Terrorist Terms and their new translations.
Global War on Terrorism = Overseas Contingency Operations
Terrorism = no longer exists, strike from English vocabulary unless talking about the Bush administration
Terrorists = Overseas Contingency Operators or Obama’s Base
Domestic Terrorism = Domestic Bushism
Terrorist Cells = Moveon.org PACs
9/11 Terrorist Attacks = The Great Misunderstanding
And now what are we going to call terrorist attacks here at home? Will we call them Domestic Contingency Operations? And why stop with redefining terrorism? Let’s redefine other national security crimes against our country as well. May I suggest the following renaming of terms?
Espionage should now be called Foreign Derived Stealth Peeks. Sedition will be addressed as Alternative Democracy. Subversion will be added to the Constitution as an addition to the Bill of Rights and no longer made illegal provided such previously considered activities that were defined as subversion are directed against the war, gays in the military, or speaking out publicly against the Bush Administration.
Additionally, with the deletion of the term “terrorism” from our vocabulary, we are to immediately provide political sanctuary to the misunderstood souls previously labeled with the obviously defamatory use of said terms and phrases. A portion of New York, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Nevada, and half of California will be set aside for these individuals to relocate. All foreclosed properties in said states will be given as reparations for years of bombing, public slander, and torture. The tax code will hereby create a separate category similar to the Native Americans that provides tax exemption to those formerly mislabeled as bad people.