The Cost of War

February 27, 2009 By Claire
Posted in Spouse and Family

I cross posted this at KDH. I woke up this morning dreaming about this. I guess it hit me harder than I even realized last night. My son is heading back to the sandbox and now we have ONE more crap detail to consider before he leaves. We are wondering if he can, as a soldier, write up a “special instruction” in his will that says that if he dies while deployed he does not want any media present at Dover when he comes home to his wife and family. I hate that we even have to talk about this.

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There is a lot of typing going on in the blogosphere, and it’s understandable. Yesterday’s news that the ban put in place in 1991 that kept the media from Dover when fallen soldiers return home was lifted by Obama. So far I have read a lot of outrage. Count me among that particular group of people.

The people who say it’s justified seem to be singing the same song, “He wants us to understand the cost of war!”

Does anyone really believe that line? We have been at war since October 2001 when Operation Enduring Freedom was launched and the War on Terror was declared. No, actually we were at war, only not officially, before that. We saw the cost of war on September 11, 2001. I saw it up close and personal in Washington DC that day. We saw it as our enemies stole planes filled with fuel and filled with innocent civilians and carefully guided them where they would do the most damage. They aimed them at US, the citizens of this Country. They did not aim them at our Military on the battlefield. They chose the battlefield and it was declared in New York City and Washington DC.

The one plane that went down before reaching it’s target had it’s battlefield reclaimed by the brave citizens who took it down before it reached its target. Americans fight to preserve life. Our enemy fights to take it and they take it indiscriminately.

If any American wants to know the cost of war, then I challenge them to know it as an American. We, as Americans value life and we value freedom. Our Veterans fight in wars to keep us free so that we may have life, have freedom and then work as citizens to keep this Country strong and viable. If you want to know the cost of war, then find a Veteran who is willing and able to talk to you about his experiences in war. Buy that Veteran a cup of coffee, sit with your mouth shut, your mind open, and your ears tuned in and LISTEN to him! You will hear about the cost of war. You will see it on his face. You will understand through the stories he tells you, and through the losses he tells you about. Veterans are the experts on the cost of war, NOT politicians.

If you want further insight into the cost of war, after your meeting with the Veteran, find a Gold Star mother or a Gold Star wife. Listen to them talk about the soldier they lost. Listen to them proudly talk about his mission, his desire to protect them and this Country, and then listen to them talk about their deep and unending ache to hold him, smell him, touch him and hear him again. Listen.

While you are listening to her, stop thinking about yourself and try for a moment to feel her pain. You will never understand it, and you need to thank her for that. She loves her Country and she loved him enough to support him and his Mission. He loved his Country enough to fight so that you will never know how it feels to be a Gold Star family. Thank her for bearing a burden that you will never need to know because of the sacrifice of her loved one.

If you need any more insight after that, find a Blue Star family. Many of us want to talk to the general public and we want you to know the cost of war. I am a proud Blue Star mom. I want you, the general public to know, that when your sons who are the same age as mine, were playing Guitar Hero, eating junk food, and having good old American fun, my son was burying his friends. When your son was shopping at the mall on Saturday, watching the latest Vampire movie, and kissing his girlfriend good-night, my son was packing his ruck, preparing for training and preparing for an early deployment back to the sandbox. He has to kiss his new wife good-bye several months earlier than they thought he would.

I am not saying those things to make you feel guilty, and I am not standing on a soap-box of self righteousness. I want you to know that if you do not understand the cost of war, find a young soldier who has been to Iraq or Afghanistan, and ask him what he was doing on Saturday nights while he was deployed. Sure, sometimes our guys get a little down time and they may get a little time off, but it’s in a war zone. These young men and young women know the cost of war. They have put a deposit of their own time, sacrifice and years that they will never get back, as a deposit on your freedom. They can tell you about the cost of war.

If you still need further insight, and you want to do your research well, then go to Assoluta Tranquillita and Little Drops. Read my own blog and find the posts made by a citizen supporter named Cathy. These blogs and writings are kept by women who have not served and do not currently have any close family in the military. They are citizens (and one of them is a citizen of Canada!) who know the cost of war. They are ladies who cheer our troops on, and they have willingly and with no mal-intent taken on the cause of our military members and their families.

When I went through my own tough valleys both of these women reached out to me and have been my friend! They know the cost of war because they celebrate our heroes. They know that in order to really understand what is going on in the battlefield they only need to reach out and listen, and they do. They also fight hard to make sure our troops are taken care of and that they know how deeply appreciated they are. They both post a lot. Cathy, Brat and KyWoman have all reached out through sending care packages and words of encouragement to our men and women in the Sandbox. They know the cost of war. They have participated!

We can not calculate the cost of war by looking at the budget and we most certainly can not, should not, and must not try and calculate the cost of war by exploiting our fallen soldiers and their families at the most painful and intimate moment they face. We do not need to turn our fallen soldiers’ flag draped caskets into soap-boxes to preach to this Country the cost of war.

If you do not know the cost of war by now, then shame on you!

If you do know the cost of war by now and feel you need to peer into the darkest moment of a Gold Star families journey, then double shame on you!

If you don’t know the cost it’s because you choose to not know. It’s because you are not looking, listening and you are living so deeply within yourself that you can not see the world past the end of your own nose. Peering into the grief, pain and sadness of a Gold Star family when they need privacy and protection will not teach you anything. It will only allow you to understand the cost of war as seen at the tip of the nose of our exploitative media.

If our President really thinks that this move will teach the people of America the cost of war, shame on him. If he really believes this, than I think he needs to work a little harder to understand the cost of war, himself. That knowledge does not come in a memo, and it sure in the hell does not come from the exploitation of private moments of Gold Star families.

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