Home Front Hero, Profile: Reasa, Army Wife

Reasa is a fellow “milblogging” wife. She and I began chatting while her husband was in Iraq with the Army National Guard and mine was at Ft. Benning. We supported one another online and through emails. We were excited to start making plans to meet up and share a Chai Tea together, when I was scheduled to PCS to Oklahoma before my husband broke his leg in training. We have chatted on the phone, and I can honestly say that Reasa is a very dear friend of mine even though we have never met face to face. This is one of the wonders of the military community. We were sisters before we even realized it.

Reasa blogs at “My Life.” She is an Army wife, mother of 5 and a student! She is currently working on her Associates in Criminal Justice and wants to pursue a law degree in the future. I hope you enjoy getting to know Reasa through this interview! She is quite a wonderful military spouse to know!

What’s your name?
My name is Reasa and I am married to “Hubby”.

What branch does your spouse serve in?
Right now he is serving actively in the Army. He was in the Navy when we met, and after 2 years on shore duty he went Army National Guard. After his last deployment he decided to go active again.

What state/base are you living in/on right now?
We live at Ft. Hood in Texas

Have you ever lived over seas? If so, when and where? What did you like/dislike about that location:
We have not lived OCONUS as a couple, but I was actually born on AF base in Spain. We also lived in Italy while I was child and my dad was serving in the Air Force.

What degrees, hobbies, interests do you have?
I am currently working on Associate’s degree in criminal justice. I am also very active in my church, but to be honest, between school and kids I feel lucky to have a private and quiet shower!

What are the ages of your children?
I hope it’s OK to use their nicknames that I gave them for my blog. They are:
Bigman — 17
Sweetness — 11
Buddy Lee — 8
Bigman #2 — 4, and
Baby — 3

How many times have you pcs’d over the years?
So far we have PCS’d 3 times.

Do you have a favorite story about your military life experience?
When Hubby was deployed to Iraq during Operation Enduring Freedom (OEF) in 2005 I had our fifth baby (affectionately called ‘Baby’ ”). Hubby would see him on the web cam and talk to him over the phone lines so Baby would know his voice and know his face when he came home. Well, when Baby was about 4-months old hubby finally made it home for R&R. The Kiddos and I were all dressed up and I was so nervous about how Baby and hubby would react to finally seeing and touching each other for the first time.

Hubby walked off the plane and all the kiddos ran up to him and gave him big hugs and kisses. I was holding onto Baby and waiting our turn. When the kiddos let go of their daddy so he could say hi to us, Baby turned his head and saw his daddy in person for the first time. He greeted his daddy with a huge smile and lots of laughs. The whole time hubby was home on R&R, Baby would want to be in daddy’s arms or next to his daddy. It was if hubby had been there from the start and never missed a beat. And so far each visit home and end of deployment reunion has been the same way with all the kiddos.

What do you like most about being a military spouse?
What I like most about military life is the amazing ability to make friendships fast and friendships that last. Wether you see your friends every day or you PCS and they are in another state, it’s like you never have been apart when you see them again.

This time and this deployment is different now that I am on post, versus being a National Guard wife. Every where you turn someone is right there and is living through the same experience. You don’t get the dumb question “how do you do it?” all of the time. We all understand how hard it is for the other, and we know that if you leave the house clean and dressed that day it’s good. When people ask you “how are you doing?” you know it is genuine. Being on post is makes the deployment easier in many ways.

What do you like least (other than the obvious deployment)?
The uncertainty and how everything changes so quickly and so often. For Example, when I was a kid and my dad was in the Air Force, we were moving from South Carolina to Alaska. He had orders in hand and we were packed and ready to go. He came home on a Thursday and said “I am going to Korea” we aren’t going anywhere!” Things change all the time, so until we are there or he’s home things are never certain, and even then there is a doubt. The only thing that is constant is that everything is subject to change.

How do you help your children cope when their father is deployed?
I talk a lot with the older children. We both let them kind of guide us on how much they want to know and we let them lead us on when they need to talk. We takes cues from them like when they are sad or depressed. They have a tendency to breakdown a little more right before deployment. We let them know that it’s OK to be mad, sad, angry or scared. We talked with our kids first before making final decision going active again. It effects them so much more than it affects me.

As for the little ones, we tell them that daddy is at work. They thought daddy was working and sleeping on the plane. Hey, whatever works for them!

One thing I had to do was limit the times when they would talk with daddy because they would have a very hard time after talking with him (crying unconsolable, acting up in school, aggressive playing, etc.). Now they talk on Fridays. I had to do it in order to keep some sense of normalcy in the home! Their daddy left August 31 of this year for Iraq.

Speaking of deployments, how many tours have you held down the home front?
While he was in the Navy: Operation Desert Storm and Southern Watch
In the NG: Enduring Freedom, Iraqi Freedom
And, now in the Active Army: Iraqi Freedom

How did/do you cope? Are you part of your FRG?
I laugh! Also, he recorded his voice before he left. I will sit in my truck at midnight and listen to it if I need to hear him. I used to be part of the National Guard FRG years ago, but lately I go more for the information and not the camaraderie. Just about everyone on my street has a husband who is deployed or is back from deployment. I talk with neighbors because it’s easier to chat with them than listening to the rumors that seem to come up at the FRG. I go to the battalion meetings and town hall meetings. That keeps me informed.

Do you have any advice for other military spouses who are just starting out?
Find at least one very good friend you can share everything with. You need some one to confide in, but having too large a circle of really close friends can cause problems in the long run. Plan ahead and find ways to help you cope with what could happen.

Treat yourself right. If you can’t sleep find some way to get that sleep. Find out how you cope since everyone is going to cope differently. It’s a trial and error thing. You have little control in your life at this point so you go with the flow — don’t sweat the small stuff. Try not to dwell on the worst thing that could happen. If I miss a call or there’s a blackout and I haven’t heard from him in a while then I get nervous. When there’s a visitor or a strange car out front I have to catch my breath, but I can’t live there.

If you had to list the top three most vital characteristics that a spouse needs to possess to be a successful and well adjusted military spouse, what would those be?
compassion
strength
honesty