A Big (Formal) You Served Welcome to Claire, Spouse and Family Milblogger

Readers may have noticed our sweet new pink bar across the middle of You Served, pointing to our new resident milblogger Claire. It’s time we gave her a formal “welcome”! Claire sat down with the You Served staff and we pounded out this feature on the one and only lady “commander” of You Served. Check it out and be sure to come back to read Claire’s posts each week.

Military families play an important role in enabling today’s military service members. Many are unaware of the daily worries and responsibilities of those whose service to this country is to provide our soldiers with the support they need. No one knows of this struggle better than Claire Shackelford. As a guest writer for You Served, Claire will delve into the struggles, fears, and the important roles of the military spouse and mother.

So who is Claire? Claire is a mother of four kids. It was just three years ago, in January of 2006, when her oldest son Michael joined the United States Army and she became a military mother. “It hit in phases and waves. It was the first time in my life that I have had such an intense mixture of pride, fear and grief, and of course I was also happy for him. “

Before learning of the milblogging community the only news Claire was receiving was that of the mainstream media – news she learned very quickly to consciously avoid. Claire began blogging during Michael’s deployment as a way to cope with the mixture of emotions.

In 2007 Claire’s husband, Brian, enlisted and went to Fort Benning for basic training. In the same month Michael left for Iraq, Brian was going through red phase. During the red phase of basic training Claire was only able to speak to Brian two times for a total of 10 minutes during a 12 week period. For Claire, this one was one of her hardest times and she began to find solace through blogs, “He [Brian]is the one I take all my fears and concerns to, he’s my confidant…so my blog became my confidant. Sometimes I would just write and pretend that he could read it so that he would know the stresses anger or fear I was going through”.

It was harder for Claire to find others who were sharing the same struggles because she did not live on a base, but when she began to immerse herself in the milblogging community she met many other military mothers that provided her with the support she needed.

Truly, there are many different responsibilities depending on the relationship of a family member to the soldier. The role of the military wife differs from that of a mother or sister. As a military wife with Brian away from home, Claire’s main duty was to make sure her home stayed healthy so that when her military men came home they could rest comfortably. With younger children still at home, this was a constant challenge.

At the time, her next eldest son, Noah, 20, was in college and therefore things did not change as much for him. Brian’s absence affected Nate, 17, and Emma, 4, the most. The youngest of three brothers, Nate had never been the man of the household. As much as Claire hates to admit it, Nate was very supportive of her, “I’ll be honest, I have a pride issue with that. I am the mother, he is the child. I am supposed to take care of him not the other way around. “ While this time period was hard on them both, it was also a growing experience for them and the family in general.

Claire’s background in children’s mental health was put to work while helping Emma with the transition of her father’s absence. Consistency and comfort were the key objectives in her approach with Emma. Claire kept Brian in the forefront of Emma’s thinking, “I was really careful about the language I used and including her papa in everything. So if we were eating breakfast I would say, ‘We are eating cheerios. What do you think Papa is eating for breakfast?’ We would look at his pictures and e very night we said our prayers and we would pray for Brian. To me, that was one of the most important things I could do.” It is hard for a four year old to understand that her dad exists during the long periods of absence, but even at such a young age phone calls can mean so much to children of a soldier.

Before Michael was married, Claire was his primary source for morale and support as are most mothers of single soldiers. When Michael did in fact get married, Claire had to relinquish this role and take on a new one, “My job is now to support her. We are looking at deployment in probably about a year and when he goes over my main job will be to give her encouragement.” Claire went on to explain that the stronger and healthier Michael’s wife is, the more she can help him.

As of now, Michael currently serves in the Army Infantry Stryker Brigade at Fort Lewis, WA. A year ago, during officer candidate school, Brian suffered a leg injury. He is currently going through medical clearance and intends to enlist in the Army Reserves. Claire continues to fight the battle on the home front by encouraging other women and families-military and civilian. “We are just normal Americans too but we have the added strains that you really can’t understand as a civilian…I want civilians to hear the true stories of our soldiers.”