Senators In Emergency Afghanistan Landing

The combined weight of the extremely large egos of Sens John Kerry, Chuck Hagel and Joe Biden were too much for helicopters carrying the Senators through the mountains of Afghanistan. Or, perhaps the pilots remembered that how “uneducated” they were according to Mr. Kerry and the thought occurred to them that may not really know how to pilot a helicopter under such circumstances!!

To play devil’s advocate though, the reality could have been that the cold Afghanistan winter could have caused unusual weather patterns when confronted with the combined hot air escaping from the liberal, military loathing Senators (yes, I know Hagel is a Republican). The resulting snowstorm overpowered the capabilities of our “uneducated” pilots and the helicopters themselves. They simply couldn’t continue mechanically!

One unconfirmed, nonexistent source close to the incident remarked that when it became obvious trouble was brewing, Kerry offered to sacrifice the other two Senators by throwing them overboard so he could live to protest their ill-treatment at the hands of the American military. Kerry was heard to complain that the pilots were “terrorizing the young Senators just as they did those innocent women and children in Iraq.”

In a statement that wasn’t released by Kerry’s office, he said “Bush was wrong about the helicopters flying in Afghanistan, wrong about the comfort of the seats inside them, and wrong about how beautiful this God-forsaken country really is.” He continued, “we’re creating enemies everywhere we go. Even the camels were spitting on me!!”

The good news is that the Senators were safely transported back to Bagram Air Base and continued their whirlwind trip to discredit President Bush, the United States, and the troops fighting for it. Senator Hagel was issued new earplugs to drown out the other two Senators’ whining.