The “Golden” Common-Sense thinking on sending and asking for care packages
This blog entry must be read in order. First read JP’s list and then read one of his reader’s rebuttal lists. My Comments and actual blog entry are at the end.
The following is what my friend JP calls the New and Improved Golden Rules of Care Packages. I haven’t talked to him specifically about this list, but from knowing him the way I do it is half-jokingly and half-serious in its content.
1. Do not send party invitations for weddings or Independence Day or any other festivities while we are deployed. Probably, because we can’t attend. Anybody who sends a party invitation to a deployed soldier is clearly retarded.
2. Do not continue to write a soldier, when the soldier never writes you back. If you really want attention that bad, jump off a building.
3. The meanest thing you can do to a soldier is to send generic, not name brand goods. Hey, I like to save money too, but you should at least have the decency “to not” send care packages. Sending generic brand goods is worse than taking a dump in a cardboard box and shipping it over.
4. No more magazines dated back to 1980. It’s not like anybody is actually going to read them. I know vacuum cleaners with better Care Package sense than you.
5. Don’t ever send school supplies unless we ask. Most soldiers don’t like to criticize care packages, but you could send over a box of deadly scorpions or feces, and that would be the best package you’ve ever sent. Yes, seriously.
6. Do not send a typed written letter about your personal life to a soldier. It doesn’t matter if you’re Elvis Presley back from the dead or the first person to ride a unicorn. Receiving a typed letter about your personal life is the lowest form of support known to a soldier.
7. Don’t shop at the Dollar Store for your soldier. I’m sure it sounds great when you tell your family and friends that you support the troops by sending care packages, but if you’re shopping at the Dollar store, you’re probably worse off than we are. Please, send us the mailing address to the bridge you live under, and we’ll try and help.
8. If it’s not electronic, sometimes (ok, almost always), it’s not worth sending. I’m convinced 99% of what people send us is garbage. I haven’t seen a soldier yet, complain about receiving an iPod in the mail. I’m just saying.
9. Do not send crossword puzzles. Or word finds. It’s a sure way to disappoint a soldier when they open the Care Package. I’ve seen people who were punched in the face repeatedly; look much happier than soldiers who opened care packages with Crossword Puzzles.
10. Don’t tell a soldier that you understand what he or she is going through because your neighbor’s cousin, who has a sister, who has a brother, knows somebody who was deployed. It’s a sure way of having your care package turn into a soccer ball.
The list below is one that one of his regular readers (Karen) on milblogging.com responded with from the Care-package sender point of view. She titled this The Soldier’s rules for care-package requests.
1. Don’t request Playstations. Get back to the real war! Finish the job and come home. The faucet’s leaking and the gutters need cleaned.
2. Don’t request 100mph tape. Every one of us will send 20 rolls. You’ll end up with enough to put Babylon back together again!
3. Don’t request water guns. When you were eleven you had a water gun, and wished for a real gun. Now you have a big rifle and you want a water gun? Make up
your mind!
4. Don’t request Maxim magazine. Most of us sending care packages are women and children! Don’t you have enough stuff making you homesick?
5. Don’t request fans. Stop whining about the heat – if you’ve never been in labor you know nothing aboutdiscomfort! Nothing.
6. Just how many freakin’ tan t-shirts does one army need?
7. Don’t request iPods. Stop using the care package sites to get free electronics. You earn more than some of us. Hire me as your personal shopper.
8. Don’t request Red Bull. Do you know how much it costs to mail you a case of Monster or Red Bull? No-Doze will dissolve easily in your hot bottled water.
9. Don’t request Axe products. You’re 7200 miles away from any woman who cares what you smell like, and you didn’t care that much when you were home!
10. Don’t request Gold Bond. Nobody wants to hear about your foot fungus and jock itch. Deal with it. War is hell.
I got a nice laugh after I first read JP’s list of the Golden Rules, but I was a little concerned that some people would take it the wrong way. I am not sure if the person that responded with her own list was upset or just having fun with him, but the bottom line is that there are truths in both lists. Having just returned from Afghanistan myself and a receiver of probably the most packages on my FOB, I can understand some of what JP listed. Thanks to websites like anysoldier.com, soldiersangels.com and booksforsoldiers.com I got a ton (actually probably a couple of tons) of stuff while I spent a year overseas. I was always honest and grateful to everyone that sent stuff. Even when it was stuff that none of us needed or wanted. The websites are great because a person can usually list what they need or want, but that does not mean you will always get it. Some people can only afford to send certain things or just assume that someone deployed will want something. When a service member gets stuff they usually share it with anyone else in their unit or on their FOB. However, sometime there are only so many packs of peanuts that someone can eat or only so many books of SODUKU that someone can play.
There is no perfectly right answer on what to send, except to communicate. The service member needs to be honest and say what they need or want. The sender needs to not feel like they just need to send anything, but instead spend their time and money on something that will be used and enjoyed and not just tossed in the corner or stolen by a local national. The sender should also try and get to know the person they are sending to, what are they into or those around them into. For example, when sending magazines to a whole bunch of grunts on a small FOB, ‘Financial Times’ is probably not going to be as popular as say ‘Hunting and Fishing News’ or ‘HotRod Magazine’. Understanding what deployed service members are into helps a sender tailor the package to what will be truly appreciated. One personal example I have is that myself and my two roommates were big into the show “24”, and when I say big I mean almost fanatical about it. I wrote about this in my blog, so one of my regular blog readers and package senders tried to send us anything “24” related that she could. She sent 24 Magazines, calendars, games, etc. She got to know us, what we liked and tailored some of her packages to include that stuff whenever she could.
Personally I felt guilty when people would send us so much stuff, because I know it is not cheap and of course shipping it isn’t either. I had so many posts on the newsgroup threads on booksforsoldiers.com that they had to stop the first one and create a second newsgroup thread just for me, because the first was taking too long to load. A big reason was because I tried very hard to go on there and respond to anyone that wrote what they sent me in order to let them know I got it and how much we appreciated it. I also updated our wants/needs list often so people did not waste their money on stuff that was not going to be used. There are many great Americans out there that insist on sending care-packages to deployed strangers as a way to show they are appreciated. They want and will send things as long as they know an address, so I would much rather they spend their money on stuff that would be used and not just thrown on a shelf. This was the reason I personally tried to communicate with the package senders as much as possible.
People from all walks of life send stuff, from single fathers, to grandparents to college kids. There is no one demographic of supporters except to say they are all great Americans. So there is no way a person deployed to war is going to know what a package sender, can and cannot send. In order to cover all bases, many deployed service members just list anything under the sun that they would like and of course the stuff they need. Sometimes the “want” is an ipod, but it is not that they expect someone to buy them one. However, someone may have upgraded and they would like to send their old one that still works versus trying to sell it on eBay. I would stress to anyone that is deployed or going to be deployed to keep that communication open, either by personal emails, blogs, etc. Have a list, keep it updated and keep it reasonable. If you can get to a PX regularly and buy certain things, then don’t ask people to do it for you, and spend their hard-earned money. The list writer is correct in saying that many soldiers make more than the package senders, especially in the tax-free war zones. I was in a small remote FOB living with anywhere from 20-50 other Americans and about 400 Afghan army forces. We had no PX, no Starbucks, no Dairy Queen, as other bigger bases do. This caused me to ask for things on behalf of my team like DVD movies, drink-mix, gold-bond powder, tarp straps, etc. The stuff that people back in the US or even at the big camps can run to the store to get.
It was not unusual for me to get 12-18 boxes a week, and most of those from strangers I had never met. I took a corner of our Tactical Operations Center (TOC) and used some shelves to create what I called the “TOC Store”. It was open for anyone on our FOB or to those passing through to go in a “shop around”. We had magazines, books, oatmeal, shampoo, beef jerky, stationary, games, etc. etc. I was able to do this and provide for so many that had so little because of the gracious hearts and unselfish pocketbooks of so many great Americans. Would I have loved to get a box full of iPods to give out? Heck yeah, who wouldn’t. But I never expected it, and I would have been humbled to see such a thing. I also loved getting stuff we needed to conduct missions, things we needed to “trick” out our trucks and make them more rider-friendly on missions, and of course the things we needed to just make life more comfortable on the FOB.
The one thing that my tour in Afghanistan left me in awe about was the amount of love and caring that so many people in the US show for those deployed. People spent hundreds of dollars just on us, and I am sure they spent more on other people. They never knew us, will probably never meet us and never expected anything for all the time and money they put into trying to show us they support us. If anyone ever asks me to try an express what America is about or what being an American is about, I will always point them back to that example.
**NOTE, Troy is a 1SG in the New York Army National Guard and writes several blogs on his website at http://www.bouhammer.com**
Mom
July 16th, 2007 at 10:37 pmThat’s my son…always so polite, thoughtful and very appreciative. Troy has always had a sensitive generous heart and he means every word he says. God sent me 2 of His best when he sent my sons. Am I proud? You bet I am!
Terri
July 18th, 2007 at 6:55 amThanks for sending in JP’s care package list. We got such a kick out of it the last time JP was deployed and are looking forward to more “Beef Jerky Wars” as a result of JP reposting those rules. Gotta love Karen’s response as well. LOL!
Terri
July 19th, 2007 at 8:34 amWhen we found out JP was deploying again, we were all hoping that this list of care package rules would be revived. We all had so much fun with it the last time he was deployed. Most of us are aware of JP’s extremely sarcastic sense of humor, so we took his “rules” with a laugh and responded by sending him his most un-favorite thing… beef jerky! The Beef Jerky wars, which resulted in JP creating a website about how bad Beef Jerky was and another website being created for Bloggers For Beef Jerky, were hilarious and we’re looking forward to a rerun!
Leta
July 22nd, 2007 at 9:28 amTroy ~ you hit the nail on the head so many times in your post. IF the deployed personnel have access to any form of communication LET US KNOW. Each time I begin supporting a new group it is like pulling teeth to get them to understand that I want to send them things they need/want – not to just send boxes of “stuff” so they know someone is thinking about them. I enclose a letter stating that I will always attempt to grant each wish or request but cannot promise to do so. It works so much easier when the deployed personnel give feedback. You men/women are often so darn “shy” when it comes to feedback. Once we get past that hurdle it just works better for everyone. I’m not walking up and down aisles in stores anguishing over “what kind of socks” or “how many packages of ramen noodles” and the deployed aren’t receiving boxes of “stuff” they don’t need and have to deal with.
I was a supporter of the 10th Mtn men who were at Camp Blessing, the KOP and Firebase Michigan. During their time of “handing off” to their replacements I had my contacts “introduce” me to the new group. Because we were able to do this there has been a seamless transition from supporting one group to the other. The “spokesman” for the new group has been WONDERFUL about communicating with me as to their needs and desires. They are getting the items they need/want and I’m not sending piles of “stuff” for them to have to discard.
Personally I feel very strongly that we are a team in this – you all and your families have the hard jobs – we who choose to support have the easy one. It is an honor to be able to provide items to you all that need in order to make your time in theater easier in some small way and a VERY small way of showing our gratitude and appreciation.
RED
July 24th, 2007 at 8:05 amWell said Troy! Of course we *know* JP isn’t serious … or at least we *think* we do … but love to give him a hard time.
I have adopted a ship-bound Marine who for more than two years had never said he didn’t care much for sweets (except a very specific chocolate bar) and *finally* asked me to send Chickn in a Biscuit crackers instead. LOL. This begs the question … how many times do you have to ask “what would you like me to send in the next box?” before someone FINALLY opens up and is truthful?? Sheesh!
Karen
July 24th, 2007 at 5:46 pmThe follow-up list – I wrote it for JP just to further his seriously sarcasmic humor. We all need a laugh for our mental health. I’ve probably violated most of JP’s rules in a few care packages! I can’t wait until autumn, when it’s cool enough to send CHOCOLATE again!
Janette
July 29th, 2007 at 6:41 amI found this blog while searching for some care package ideas. It seems like some of the sites differ when sending packages. I adopted two soldiers serving in Iraq right now. I know NOTHING about them other than their name, branch, and how long they expect to be there. They did tell me where they were located at, etc. I wrote them both a note and said—I am enclosing a self addressed note card. Please write me a note and tell me what you want/need. I do not want to be sending you stuff that you can’t use or would prefer not to have. I know the sites say that if they don’t want it they will give it away. Well, I want them to get some use of it as well. I just bought some snack goods to send in this first package until I hear back. I figured I couldn’t go too wrong with 10 assortments of individual packs of water flavorers and various individually packed snacks. So, I hope they open up before Red’s did and tell me early on what they want. Ha!
ALLONS
July 31st, 2007 at 6:40 pmJP,
You don’t like jerky?
ALLONS