A lot of people sometimes ask me why I WANT to deploy. The truth is that life is much simpler in combat in some aspects. It’s a kill or be killed environment. Of course, this isn’t traditional warfare we’re fighting, so even combat isn’t that simple, but it sure beats the crap that Soldiers have to deal with back home much of the time.
A good example of what I’m talking about is the Army’s policy towards motorcycles. According to Army Regulation 385-10, all motorcycle riders (or prospective motorcycle riders) are required to complete a motorcycle safety course. This is a great idea and serves two purposes: ensuring that Soldiers are competent and safe when riding a motorcycle and lowering insurance premiums since the courses usually result in discounts. All Army motorcycle course are MSF accredited. But, some installations take that requirement and add additional burdens.
For example, at Fort Hood riders are required to take a basic course before they can ride on post. Once completely, they have a set amount of time before they must take the advanced riders course. Riders who use sport bikes or crotch rockets are required to take a THIRD course specifically designed for those types of bikes. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been riding motorcycles for almost 30 years, that I’ve NEVER had a motorcycle accident, or that I’m in a lower risk age category of riders. Soldiers are required to take time out of their busy duties and spend a few days in these courses.
The nail in the coffin of motorcycle “safety” absurdity is the uniform requirement. The Army takes safety to a whole new level. If there’s a such thing as safety overkill, we’ve perfected it. Once all the other requirements are met, the minimum clothing required a motorcycle, regardless of the weather, is: DOT approved helmet, gloves, eye protection (if the helmet doesn’t have a shield), at least ankle-length boots, long pants, long sleeve shirt or jacket, and reflective belt, vest or jacket. If you’re wearing a backpack, a reflective belt or vest must be around the backpack. During daylight, refractive clothing must be worn and at night, reflective clothing must be worn.
The result of this hyper-safe attitude? I simply haven’t ridden my motorcycle in a few months! To get on post on a motorcycle, riders are required to – like anyone entering a base – present an ID card. Because of the pain getting on post, I purchased a Power Trip Alpha Army Jacket from the military clothing and sales store on Ft. Hood. The jacket is specifically designed with Soldiers and military requirements in mind. It has front and rear concealable reflective materials, distinctive Army design, skid resistant material, and a dual sided, see through ID card holder that is attached to the jacket with velcro for easy access. The goal is to pull up to a gate and not have to search through pockets for an ID card. Just rip it off and present it to the guard. Yet, even though both sides of the ID are easily visible through the thin, clear plastic, Ft. Hood guards make you take the ID OUT OF THE HOLDER to get on post. This requires removing the gloves, which requires the rider to put the bike in neutral. All the while, cars are piling up behind the poor rider and cursing at us for holding up the line.
Okay, I could go on about motorcycle crap. I solved the problem by just not riding to work – probably the main goal of the Army to begin with to deal with motorcycle deaths. However, even WITH all the crap we deal with, Soldiers are still dying on bikes.
The next headache about Garrison operations is all the little nit-noid stuff that Soldiers deal with back home. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in standards and enforcing them. But, you get a little tired of fall cleanup, spring cleanup, various details to support community projects, safety briefings every weekend, the headache of managing TDY travel, mandatory training, and other GFIs that bored leaders like to make up to keep Soldiers busy.
Then, there’s all the requirements for train-up prior to a deployment. This entails ROE briefings, Geneva Convention briefings, TARP briefings, certification training, online SERE training (which is quite funny considering I’ve been through the real deal), equipment issue, pack-up, read-ons, and other requirements depending on the MACOM and theater of operations. I won’t include all the weapons qualification requirement because I’m a Texan and a gun lover and any time I get an opportunity to shoot a gun, I TAKE IT!! I LOVE shooting – especially when I’m not paying for the ammo!
Acronym Key:
MSF – Motorcycle Safety Foundation
DOT – Department of Transportation
TDY – Temporary Duty
GFI – Good Flippin’ Idea (usually the “F” stands for something else)
ROE – Rules of Engagement
TARP – Threat Awareness and Reporting Procedures
SERE – Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape
MACOM – Major Command
