Monthly Archives: February 2012

There is a good discussion going on at SpouseBzz right now about notification and who is to blame for the very horrible and grievous situation of a spouse being notified of her husband’s death via text message/facebook.

When a person receives information like the death of a spouse it is very important that he/she be notified officially for many reasons — one just being the plain decency and respect that a personal, face to face notification offers. The second being the immediate shock the person faces and making sure he/she is secure or has someone who can come and be with the family. I don’t always understand military protocol, but this one seems to be a pretty, painfully, obvious one.

I am a boundary loving person. One boundary I draw in my own life is an understanding of the difference between blame and responsibility. We can point the finger of blame at social media and living in a world where anything can be said at nearly the speed of light, but the responsibility of what is actually put out there lays on the shoulders of the human being behind the keyboard. Regardless of intent. Intent does not erase responsibility.

I have never even been close to facing the pain and grief this young military widow is facing, but I also faced a breach of notification when DBS was hurt in training. It was about the time he was in recovery from surgery, and I had not been notified yet (he was at Ft. Benning and I was in TN).  I got an email from a fellow OCS Candidate’s fiance. She went on about how sorry she was for what happened and she heard his surgery went well, etc. etc.

I remember literally shutting the computer down and walking away. I was in shock. I could barely remember what she said in the email and I was numb … about 10 minutes later I rebooted my computer and with trembling hands I re-opened the email and called her immediately asking her (forgive my language) “What in the living hell are you talking about woman!”

She was embarrassed and apologized. I was livid and in shock. Blessedly his surgery did go well and we got through it all. If notification like that was such a shock about an injury in training I can not even imagine getting a notification of death.

What’s your opinion on the matter? How can this be prevented in the future? Do you think it will happen more, the more we become connected?

Act of Valor is being released this Friday. It is being haled as a military masterpiece, and rightfully so. It sounds like a wonderful movie filled with real American Heroes. I won’t be going to see it with my guys . I did do a super cool thing though and set up a ‘dudes’ day out’ for the guys. A steak, a beer and a good movie they can’t wait to see? They know who loves them!

My not attending is not a statement or a protest at all. It is just the simple fact that I can not watch modern warfare movies as a Blue Star parent. It’s too hard. It’s too close to home. I am too empathetic and the movies are too realistic. I know there are many other Blue Star parents who feel the same, and many others who are able to sort it out enough to go and enjoy the movie. I think it all depends on where you are emotionally. I am writing this for the other moms and dads who can not see it out of the fear of falling apart in the theater. Continue reading →