A few years ago, Maj. Gen. Michael Oates, commander of the 10th Mountain Division, posted a question on his blog asking Soldiers what they think are the “stupidest” rules in the Army. I’m not quite sure he expected the response he got.
I’m creating a new category at You Served called “Stupid Deployment Rules” under which I will list what I think are stupid deployment rules during my deployment to Afghanistan. I’m hoping that this category won’t have many posts under it, but I’m already learning of a few.
These posts will be short and you are encouraged to send me your stupid or dumb deployment rules if you’ve been deployed. I ask that you don’t identify specific units or individuals who made the rules. This isn’t about making leaders or units look bad, but to highlight the dumb things troops are asked to do in combat zones.
Here are the first two that I’ve already been briefed about as we prepare for our upcoming deployment:
1) We are required to wear reflective belts during hours of darkness IN A COMBAT ZONE!! By the way, reflective belts are like giant spotlights under an IR spotlight that the naked eye can’t see – but the enemy can.
2) We will be issued MultiCam uniforms for use in Afghanistan. However, we will be required to take at least one digital ACU because we aren’t allowed to wear the Multicam uniform to travel back home for leave.
My guess is that most of these rules fall under the monkey experiment:
The experiment involved 5 monkeys, a cage, a banana, a ladder and, crucially, a water hose.
The 5 monkeys would be locked in a cage, after which a banana was hung from the ceiling with, fortunately for the monkeys (or so it seemed…), a ladder placed right underneath it.
Of course, immediately, one of the monkeys would race towards the ladder, intending to climb it and grab the banana. However, as soon as he would start to climb, the sadist (euphemistically called “scientist”) would spray the monkey with ice-cold water. In addition, however, he would also spray the other four monkeys…
When a second monkey was about to climb the ladder, the sadist would, again, spray the monkey with ice-cold water, and apply the same treatment to its four fellow inmates; likewise for the third climber and, if they were particularly persistent (or dumb), the fourth one. Then they would have learned their lesson: they were not going to climb the ladder again – banana or no banana.
In order to gain further pleasure or, I guess, prolong the experiment, the sadist outside the cage would then replace one of the monkeys with a new one. As can be expected, the new guy would spot the banana, think “why don’t these idiots go get it?!” and start climbing the ladder. Then, however, it got interesting: the other four monkeys, familiar with the cold-water treatment, would run towards the new guy – and beat him up. The new guy, blissfully unaware of the cold-water history, would get the message: no climbing up the ladder in this cage – banana or no banana.
When the beast outside the cage would replace a second monkey with a new one, the events would repeat themselves – monkey runs towards the ladder; other monkeys beat him up; new monkey does not attempt to climb again – with one notable detail: the first new monkey, who had never received the cold-water treatment himself (and didn’t even know anything about it), would, with equal vigour and enthusiasm, join in the beating of the new guy on the block.
When the researcher replaced a third monkey, the same thing happened; likewise for the fourth until, eventually, all the monkeys had been replaced and none of the ones in the cage had any experience or knowledge of the cold-water treatment.
Then, a new monkey was introduced into the cage. It ran toward the ladder only to get beaten up by the others. Yet, this monkey turned around and asked “why do you beat me up when I try to get the banana?” The other four monkeys stopped, looked at each other slightly puzzled and, finally, shrugged their shoulders: “Don’t know. But that’s the way we do things around here…”
The following note will appear under all these posts.
Note: Regardless of how I or anyone else feels about what they consider dumb or stupid rules, it is every Soldier’s responsibility to follow all rules. I will enforce and abide by all rules even if I think they are stupid and encourage ALL Soldiers to the do same. However, if no one is bringing attention to potentially stupid or dumb rules, they’ll continue to sit there, pissing off Soldiers and leaders alike for no reason.
