Challenges on the home front during deployment
I really thought the following article was a well presented perspective on the stresses that spouses go through during deployment or extended times of separation. The article touches on everything from dealing with new financial stress (making decisions alone) to extra-marital affairs and their possible connection to later suicide. So many of these things, particularly the sexual temptations on the home front, are often not discussed much and are not discussed with the serious repercussions that marital infidelity brings with it. I am glad the article at least mentions it.
I am getting ready to read a good book on sexual integrity — mainly on keeping the thought life under control and how affairs start in the mind and then move into an action. I will share more here in the near future.
The article goes into depth on a number of issues. I linked to the rest of it at the bottom.
EXCERPT
The long, dark tunnel: spouses and deployment
Sep 28, 2009
By Brittany Carlson (USAG Stuttgart)
STUTTGART, Germany — For a military spouse, the long, dark tunnel of deployment is paved with new challenges and responsibilities.
While their service member spouse is away, the husband or wife left behind juggles children, finances, managing the home and work – alone.
Add to this the loneliness of losing a partner and best friend, and the end result can be overwhelming, even traumatic, if the spouse create a support system for themselves.
Military spouses must become more independent during deployments, said Dr. Eric N. Leong, chief of behavioral health for the Stuttgart Army Health Clinic. “They don’t have a choice.”
Financial decisions can be very challenging, he added, especially if the deployed service member used to manage them.
“They’re not used to balancing a budget … they start using credit for everything,” Leong said. “They get into debt.”
In addition to money matters, deployments give spouses on-the-job training in doing other things that their service member spouse used to do. They become both mother and father to the children. They fix cars, cook, clean, try to stay in touch with their spouse, and, in some cases, have jobs besides.
“You go through stages of resentment and bitterness – and happiness, because you also know that you can do these things on your own,” said Lorraine ‘Raine’ Flores, a Navy spouse in Stuttgart, who has been apart from her husband for two 6-month deployments and several temporary duty tours.
REACHING OUT
The temporary loss of a partner and co-worker in the home makes outside relationships and involvement vital for spouses coping with a deployment.
For Flores, a mother of two, the hardest part of parenting during a deployment is not being able to bounce ideas off of her partner. “You’re not even able to discuss certain things, like child-rearing,” she said. “You have to make those decisions on your own.”
She found comfort in her friends, whom she considers an extended family.
“Both [deployments], I made a good core group of girlfriends with the same circumstances,” Flores said. “You need people. There’s no way to get through it without friends.”
Without the support of other people, the loneliness can become unbearable.
When Ronda Hayes, a mother of three, whose husband is on a 12-month deployment to Afghanistan, started to feel depressed after her spouse left, she sought help at the mental health clinic and began regular counseling.
Her advice to other spouses facing the same issue is simple: “If you think you’re getting depressed, go see somebody. It’s not only hard on the spouse; it’s hard on the kids and the deployed service member.”
The garrison offers free support programs, such as counseling through the Religious Support Office, classes at Army Community Service and Family Readiness Groups. CONTINUE READING
