Since I have a son who is 24-years old I am not going to try and trick you all into thinking that I am a young ‘un. For those of you who do not speak “southern-ease” that simply means a young person.. I am not old either, so I am at the quintessential crossroads in life at that juncture we call “middle aged.”
It’s hard staying connected in this world, and when you have the many complications of military life (training, deployments, TDYs, long work days, etc, etc.) staying connected can be more than hard… it can outright impossible.
When considering all of the aspects that keep us connected with our spouse, communication — intimate and personal communication — is vital. We can share so many connections we have as a married couple with others. We share interests we have, music, gripes, joys, movies, experiences, etc. with family and friends. I think it’s vital for a married couple to have a very special time of truly reconnection. It’s OK to force the date night idea — the rest will follow.
When my husband and I were dating we often went out on a date just for the excuse of being together. We are both pretty frugal so once the formality of a date was worn out, we would sometimes just get in a car and drive to wherever. Our adventures sometimes landed us in beautiful scenic areas, and other times it would be a simple drive through the countryside. Sometimes we would drive to an old historic town and just hold hands while walking through the old streets. Apple festivals, parks, lakes, it didn’t matter to us where we were. We even walked all over Ft. Lewis one section at a time when he was stationed there.
All we knew is that we were alone and in a place where people would not interrupt us — and the focus of the date was not on the food, the movies, the show, or anything else. It was just on us and we were both free to share our dreams, disappointments, fears and humor with each other.
Many couples skip date night because of the cost, the hassle and finding child care is hard. We have those same problems too nowadays. We can’t really afford to go on too many drives in the Country (where sometimes a tired 4 year old girl will pass out in her car seat, leaving her parents a chance to steal a moment again). To combat this we have gotten creative and determined.
We have regulated the little one’s bedtime and put her to bed a little earlier than we used to. It benefits us all. She has a good routine and is doing well with the shift. It wasn’t a huge change, but that 30-minutes gives us some extra time to get our evening work done around the house or online, and then we spend some alone time together before going to bed.
We have taken dates on virtual tours to places like the Louvre, Carnegie Hall, Niagara Falls (the Canadian side is breathtaking!), the Eiffel Tower, and many others. We sometimes munch on popcorn and watch an old corny black and white movie we get form the library. Other times we have taken time in the kitchen to cook a meal together, or simply sit down together and talk about matters of life and love. Even research shows that parents who focus on their marriage and make it a top priority have happier and more stable children.
My old illustration (I am sure I have used it somewhere on You Served before), still stands. When the airline stewardesses are going through pre-take off instructions, what do they always tell you to do if cabin pressure is lost? They tell you “If you are with a child or an elderly person, place your mask on FIRST and then assist the person with you.” They want you to do that so that you, the able bodied one, do not lose consciousness. Our marital relationships need to be treated with that kind of priority and urgency.
