I have a good friend whose husband rejoined the military recently. Her husband was a former Marine, but went active Army a year ago. When he was packing up the goodies they purchased for his packing list for OCS she asked me what to expect when he left. His time in the Marines was before he met and married his wife, so she had not experienced him being gone for any length of time outside of a full day’s work. Oh boy… where do you even begin?!
She was in for quite a huge life adjustment, and I think that any military spouse will tell you that preparation for a separation is necessary, but not sufficient. Every separation is a little different, so even experience is not the fool proof way to prepare yourself. You gain knowledge, wisdom and insight during each separation, but you have to go through an adjustment every time — there is no way around it.
There are so many things we could talk about in regards to adjustments around a separation, but the first thing that came to my mind to warn my friend about was the imminent loss of sleep. This is a common problem for those left on the home-front. I think that loss of sleep hit me before anything else, and if it’s not addressed it can make the other stressors of separations and deployments even worse.
According to experts stress is the number one reason for sleep loss. Of course not all stress is bad. Sometimes you lose sleep for nights before your soldier is due to come home or you are due to go and see him. Sleep loss is not good, and over time it can have negative effects on your health.
Although stress is the leading factor, it is not the only factor to consider when facing insomnia. According to the APA other factors such as:
Caffeine or alcohol consumption, Exercise or mind stimulating work too close to bedtime can also be a culprit. Other things such as shift work, change in routine or schedule (boy doesn’t that happen!) and environmental factors such as room temperature and noise levels can all impact the length and quality of your sleep.
So, what’s a girl to do? The advice I gave my friend helped me through, and she said it helped her too. She also told me about a few things she tried as well that helped her get through those long tiring nights.
1. You’ve heard me preach it before, but I can’t say it enough… exercise! Get at least 30-minutes of cardio workout (with your doctor’s approval first, of course) 3-days a week. The more often you work out the better you sleep. If you decide to incorporate strength training, be sure to take an ibuprofen or other anti-inflammatory after your workout to help with any aches and pains.
2. Keep a journal, a diary or have a friend you can call. If something is on your mind write it down or talk about it. Your spouse and confidant is gone and that can cause you to sometimes feel very isolated. Your sounding board is not available, so you may need a friend’s shoulder more often now. Be sure to pick a friend who will give you honest but merciful feedback. You don’t need a negative Nelly filling your mind with more concerns.
3. If you are a person of faith, pray. Read words that comfort you! Reach out to others and let them pray for you too.
4. Keep a routine. Do your best to keep the kids on a routine and keep yourself on a routing. Put the kids to bed first, and then have a set time for you to rest and have some down time. You have earned it. Sip a cup of caffeine-free tea, soak in a hot tub, read a book, etc. Do something to help yourself unwind, but keep it to a consistent time frame each night.
5. When all else fails, have a back-up plan. I struggled through many sleepless nights when my husband was gone and my son was deployed. I would wake up feeling scared or anxious and I was all alone. I blogged about it at times. I wrote letters to my guys sometimes. I listened to music or watched my favorite movie. Do not turn the television on if you are worried about your loved one in a war zone. Don’t watch the news. Watch something that will get your mind off of things and help you to be sleepy again.
6. Finally, leave sleeping for the bedroom and work for another room. This is called “Sleep Hygiene” and the belief is that those who keep sleep and sex alone for the bedroom will sleep better than those who bring reams of work into the room with them. Leave work at the desk. Also, be sure your rooms is quiet, dark and cool. A TV in the background may help you fall asleep but it will wake you up later.
If you go for nights on end and can’t get adequate rest, schedule an appointment with your doctor. It’s hard because when you are home alone with your children you will not be a good candidate for taking sleeping medication. If you need sleep medication to regulate your sleep again and you have little ones in the home, see if you can get a friend or family member to stay the night with you until you know how you are effected by it. That way if your little ones need a wide-awake and alert adult in the middle of the night or there’s an emergency, you have help.
Sleep is more than a good component of your beauty regimen. It is vital for physical, mental and emotional health. One bad night isn’t going to hurt you, but a whole deployment’s worth is another story!
Good-night, and good-luck!
