Stress? Burnout? How to tell the difference…
I was reading to my 4-year old (a.k.a. the Curly Headed Pirate) last night at bedtime. I normally pick out her favorite books, but last night I slipped in one of my own favorites from childhood to share with her. I read loud and related all too well as I recited the words to “Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, day!” (Judith Viorst)
“I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”
The book continues to tell us of Alexander’s mishaps throughout his terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, day, and all of his painful and woeful encounters. He feels that the answer is to move to Australia. The book does a wonderful job introducing children to the concept of a “bad day.” We all have them, right?
When an occasional bad day turns into several bad days then you may have gone beyond being stressed and right into full blown burnout. Excessive stress and burnout can be occupational hazards for military spouses. Whether we are facing our umpteenth PCS or trying to help our spouse prepare for deployment, the stress can feel insurmountable at times. How can you tell if your stress is putting you at risk for burnout, or worse, has you burned out.
Stress is not always the enemy. A moderate amount of stress can keep us motivated, interested, and challenged. Moderate is the key word here. Severe stress can lead us to excessive worry as we begin to feel anxiety over not being able to keep up with the demands put on us, and can sometimes cause us to shut down and retreat into burnout. Keeping stress under check is the first and foremost defense against burnout.
How can you tell the difference between stress and burnout? Check yourself against the following statements:
The difference between stress and burnout
Dr. Arch Hart* Burnout is a defense characterized by disengagement.
* Stress is characterized by overengagement.
* In Burnout the emotions become blunted.
* In Stress the emotions become over-reactive.
* In Burnout the emotional damage is primary.
* In Stress the physical damage is primary.
* The exhaustion of Burnout affects motivation and drive.
* The exhaustion of Stress affects physical energy.
* Burnout produces demoralization.
* Stress produces disintegration.
* Burnout can best be understood as a loss of ideals and hope.
* Stress can best be understood as a loss of fuel and energy.
* The depression of Burnout is caused by the grief engendered by the loss of ideals and hope.
* The depression of Stress is produced by the body’s need to protect itself and conserve energy.
* Burnout produces a sense of helplessness and hopelessness.
* Stress produces a sense of urgency and hyperactivity.
* Burnout produces paranoia, depersonalization and detachment.
* Stress produces panic, phobic, and anxiety-type disorders.
* Burnout may never kill you but your long life may not seem worth living.
* Stress may kill you prematurely, and you won’t have enough time to finish what you started.
(source LINK)
If you relate to the stress statements then take the time to do an inventory of what is stressing you. Are there things you can let go of? Is there a resource you are not utilizing? Think of your resources and if your demands out weighs your resources then it’s time to prioritize and eliminate things that don’t are not in the top list of priorities. Be realistic. We often experience stress because we feel like we still have choices. We stress over trying to get it all done. When we move beyond that feeling and into feeling like our choices have been removed and everything is a demand then we are burned out.
If the burnout statements speak more to how you are feeling then it’s vital that you take some action. Talk to your physician if you are experiencing signs of chronic depression, find support where you can get it — at home, friends, church, social groups, FRG members, counselor, etc.
Staying connected with your positive relationships is vital:
If you’re approaching burnout, it’s also crucial that you cultivate relationships with other people and spend time socializing. Poor relationships and isolation can contribute to burnout, but positive relationships can prevent it or reduce its impact.
Here are some steps you can take to cultivate positive relationships:
* Nurture your closest relationships, such as those with your partner, children or friends. These relationships can help restore energy and alleviate some of the psychological effects of burnout, such as feelings of being underappreciated. Try to put aside what’s burning you out and make the time you spend with loved ones positive and enjoyable.
* Develop casual social relationships, on and off site, with people at your workplace. “We do all kinds of things, whether it is getting together to play cards or going out to eat. It gives everyone an opportunity to relax and blow off steam,” a teacher wrote to a contributors’ site. Just remember to avoid hanging out with negative-minded people who do nothing but complain.
* Connect with a cause or a community group that is personally meaningful to you. Joining a religious, social, or support group can give you a place to talk to like-minded people about how to deal with daily stress — and to make new friends. If your line of work has a professional association, you can attend meetings and interact with others coping with the same workplace demands.
* Practice healthy communication. Express your feelings to others who will listen, understand, and not judge. Burnout involves feelings that fester and grow, so be sure to let your emotions out in healthy, productive ways. Source LINK
Here are some resources for stress relief and stress management.
Stress Relief
Stress Management
Signs of Depression
Finding the right care
One analogy I have used before to illustrate the vital importance of military spouses taking good care of themselves is that of the directions given to us on an airline flight. After you board your flight you are given instructions on what to do in case of an emergency. You are told that if cabin pressure is lost you should FIRST put on your own oxygen mask, and then put the mask on those around you who may need assistance. You can not help the child next to you if you pass out from lack of oxygen.
It’s vital that those who are strong and able first gear up, and then they are able to gear those up around them. You can not support your soldier and offer the moral support and morale from home if you are not taking care of yourself. You are a vital person to the family.
Take good care — and I mean that!
