Sometimes I can’t help but think that instead of being in the Army, I’m in the Department of Armed Redundancy Department. How in the world did we ever win wars in the past without the hundreds of duplicitous reports, memorandums, and taskings that are heaped upon us on a daily basis.
For example, the Army safety program. Every month we are required to give “safety training” to all our Soldiers and civilians. What does this “safety training” consist of?
* lawnmower safety
* Halloween safety
* swimming safety
* office ergonomics
* motorcycle safety (even if you don’t own a motorcycle)
* ladder safety
* safe sex
* pedestrian safety
* winter safety
* spring safety
* summer safety
* fall safety
* you name it safety
Yes, instead of fighting wars and taking the fight to the enemy, I get to spend all my time making sure that my guys stop what they’re doing to make sure they aren’t dumb enough to mow their foot off!!
If it isn’t stupid training, it’s stupid taskings and reports. How many Soldiers took leave last quarter? Of those, how many filled out risk assessments prior to leaving? Of those, how many were high risk? How many were reviewed by the command? How many slept with their cousins? It’s insane!!
I don’t understand how we could have possibly won wars in the days prior to computers and enormous databases!! Did they chisel all these things into rocks or send them via pony express and morse code? Did the Civil War Cavalry have to attend horse safety training? Did they fill out risk assessments if they rode the horse more than 100 miles? Were they required to submit pictures of their horses and riders whenever a new commander took over?
It’s just all so distracting and insane. All the information is already up in various forms, but different people want the same information in different formats to suit their needs. So the safety officer may need it for his purposes, the S1 needs it for their purposes in another format, the S3 needs it in yet another format. All the while, it’s the people at the bottom who are jumping through hoops to collect all this data.
I used to have the most awesome, sortable database. It contained all the necessary information to track personnel at the company level. I created this when I arrived for this very reason. Everything I needed was in 10 different books. I spent hours putting it all into a searchable database so it was all in one place. But, because of all the “hey you” taskings and requests for useless information, even my highly efficient database is getting bogged down with useless information. I mean really!! Why do I need to report that so and so received their new travel card. If they don’t get it they don’t travel!!
I am the Anti-Terrorism and Force Protection officer for my company, so I track and manage all this training. But, I still get taskings that it needs to be completed “no later than 21 November”, ignoring the fact that it’s a yearly requirement and it’s done as people in-process the unit. Some of my troops have done this training within the past 4 months and are now required to do it again because “we just want to ensure that everyone is complete at the same time.”
Ugh…If it’s not political, economic, and international stupidity, it’s military stupidity.
Top, you are a better man than I. It was this single reason that my career in the Army, didn’t result in being a career in the Army.
Do I miss the Army?
Every single day!
But I sure as hell do not miss the stupid shit I had to do everyday as an NCO because some officer somewhere didn’t do his job or can’t figure out how to import data from an excel spreadsheet.
Constant training on non-military issues or the current fad. Counseling my joe’s on filing out forms for food stamps, because we don’t pay them enough to raise a family.
Oh I understand the goal, keeping my joe’s ready for combat, and I understand the sentiment, but taking valuable time away from training for the mission to satisfy some officer’s inability to trust his records got to be too much…and that was in a combat unit, I don’t even want to begin to think of all the other crap support units went through!
As I said before, you are a better man than I. You’ve stuck it out and continued to look out for your joe’s, there si a special place in heaven – or hell – take your pick; for men like you.
Back in the cold war days in the early 1960′s I worked with a contractor at a major military installation in the South. Every Monday morning a report was due that stated the exact duty location of each employee. After many months of this one of the ladies in human resorces asked the question. What is the purpose of this report? The answer was ” In the event of an atomic attack on Fort———- , we need to know where the personnel were assigned. Her response was, ” Sir in the event of an atomic attack it won’t make a damn bit of difference were they were located!” The report requirement was stopped that week.