Home Front Hero, Profile: Erin M., Navy Wife
Home Front Hero, Profile: Erin M, Navy Wife
By: Claire Shackelford
I met Erin online a few years ago, and I have watched and admired her from afar. She has handled deployments like a pro. She has an incredible story and a passion for military life. I hope you enjoy reading the interview I was able to conduct with her. As you read Erin’s story you will more than likely hear a little of your own story reflected in her experiences.
Tell us a little bit about yourself, Erin. What branch does your spouse serve in?
He serves in the US Navy. We’re in CA. My husband, Chris, is stationed at Naval Air Station North Island (NASNI or Coronado). We live in one of the larger military housing sections, which houses Navy, Marine and some random Army and Air Force families.
Have you ever lived over seas?
Although we’ve applied for overseas duty stations, we’ve never been able to go. I think it would be an amazing experience, though, and wish we could!
Tell us about your general interests, education, career interests, or anything else you would like us to know about you.
I have a bachelor’s degree in English and creative writing. I met my husband the first week of college and went on to marry him while going to school. I was pregnant with our first child, while he was deployed and while I finished my degree. I love to read, write and listen to music. I’m a pretty big TV watcher, too. I have been teaching myself to knit and am also into photography.
How many times have you PCS’d over the years?
Actually, we’re one of those rare exceptions to the military move rule. We’ve NEVER moved. I don’t particularly mind it, though, since I’ve lived in CA my entire life and it’s nice being so close to our family, who live about 5-6 hours away.
Do you have a favorite military life experience story?
Usually, my deployment stories are the best. I don’t know if it’s because things seem to fall apart only when he’s gone, or if they’re just more challenging BECAUSE he’s gone. Either way, deployment periods always boast lots of insane stories. For example, his first deployment, he left in July 2001, three months after we’d gotten married.
He was aboard the USS Carl Vinson and was IN the Gulf when 9/11 happened. They shut down email and phones and nobody had any idea what was going on. It turned out that his ship was one of the first to launch attacks into Afghanistan.
There we were, young newlyweds (I was 19, he was 20) and we’re now at war! He came home safe and sound in Jan 2002 from that deployment. Then, in 2003, we found out I was pregnant with our first child. He deployed 2 weeks later in March. Our first child, first pregnancy, second deployment all happened at once.
A few weeks into the deployment, news comes out about launching new attacks in Iraq. Can’t we catch a break?! Deployment gets extended for “unknown length” and things just got crazy. I was still in college and looking for a new, bigger apartment. I moved into a place a few months into my pregnancy, and hadn’t even unpacked completely yet when the upstairs neighbor overflowed their bathtub and flooded our entire apartment.
Now I had to find a NEW place to live and move AGAIN — At 8 months pregnant. I did that with the help of family and friends, and then the wait began. My due date was Oct 10 and they agreed to let Chris fly home early as part of the “beach detachment” that works on the home front to prepare for the ship’s return.
My midwife swore I’d go any second. So Chris gets a flight off the ship, and the aircraft breaks down. He reschedules for another day, he gets bumped off the flight by an officer. Another rescheduling, weather is too bad to fly off. Ah! He arrived 2 days before my due date and our daughter was born 9 days later.
He‘s presently deployed**, our third deployment, and it’s been a comedy of errors. I fractured my ankle and was on crutches. That finally started healing when I woke up one morning very sick and was taken to the emergency room and diagnosed with sudden-onset vertigo. This is the “Erin is falling apart” deployment! It’s always something, though, and the most amazing thing about it all that ties each story together? The other Navy wives, my very best friends in the world, helped me through every step of the way.
What do you like most about being a military spouse?
A lot of things. It depends what angle we’re talking from. The pay isn’t always the best, but the healthcare coverage is a godsend. For example, I shattered my wrist a few years ago and had a complete rebuild of it, complete with screws, plates and implants followed by months of rehab. All of it was completely covered. We aren’t in debt for having children. When our youngest daughter was hospitalized at a week old for MRSA, and later sent home with a PICC line for a week of at-home meds and a visiting nurse, we never paid anything. While many people may complain that the care is horrible or the doctors aren’t great, I’ve never had anything but positive experiences with the hospital and doctors here.
On the personal and emotional side, I love the feeling of pride that comes from being a military spouse. I am proud of my husband for the job that he does and for serving his Country selflessly. While it’s often hard on our family, we make it through together and there’s always a sense of pride that comes with telling people I’m a Navy wife or that my husband serves in our Armed Forces.
I’ve met some of the most amazing people in this life. Many civilians can “look in” on our life and sympathize with deployments, long working hours and job stresses, nobody can really understand it like another military spouse. The community of friends that I have who go through the same things I do, who have experienced the same hardships our family has and who can honestly say, “I know that feeling!” is large and selfless. They’re all amazing and it’s awesome to belong to that community of people.
What do you like least (other than the obvious deployment)?
Really, there’s not much, especially since you said OTHER than deployments! The separations really are the biggest hardship for spouses, I think. The active duty members may have issues with the hierarchy, with the procedures or practices of their branch, etc. For spouses, though- at least for me- the time spent apart really is the worst. And yet, even then there’s a sense of pride in “holding down the fort” while my husband is doing something so important.
What has helped you through the most stressful times (such as deployment, etc)
I don’t know… probably just knowing that it would end eventually! When you’re in the middle of a deployment, it seems like it’s never going to end. And yet, you get to the last few weeks and start thinking, “Man… that went fast! I still have so much to do!“ And, like I said, definitely having friends to rely on gets you through. During this current deployment, I’ve made awesome friends with the neighbors on either side of our house.
We jokingly call ourselves the “Navy Wife Commune” and our husbands all joke about it, too. It’s been an amazing way to get through a deployment and know that, although you don’t have your best friend, your husband, with you- you have friends who would do anything for you still here to help. That’s been proven for me over the past months as my car has broken down, I’ve been injured or sick and we’ve all had issues come up that we help each other through. It’s amazing.
Do you have any advice for other military spouses who are just starting out?
Read some of the manuals for your spouse’s branch. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I read some of The Bluejacket Manual after my husband and I married, and it helped me understand a lot. Also, ask questions. Don’t be afraid of looking dumb to anyone because you don’t know what this abbreviation or acronym means or because you don’t know how things work. That’s how we all learn! We teach each other.
Invent some of your own little rituals and tricks. Even before we had children, my husband and I made paper chains for each deployment. A ring for each day he’d be gone. Getting to rip one of those chains off each day really helped me visualize the passage of time. We also worked out our own code for talking about places and dates via email or phone without breaking OPSEC rules. And, when they are home, make the best of all the time you have.
If you have small children, make every effort to have date nights out of the house. Sometimes it feels like after the military, after the kids and way down the list are you two as a couple. As the saying goes, “the military didn’t issue you to your spouse for a reason.” Sometimes the family and the couple factor gets lost and it needs to stay important.
If you had to list the top three most vital characteristics that a spouse needs to possess to be a successful and well adjusted military spouse, what would those be?
Flexibility! You have to be able to roll with the punches. The Navy, and I’m assuming all branches of the military, operate under pretty tight-lipped schedules in terms of dates and movements. However, you can usually get an estimate at a homecoming date, but always have to be prepared for things to change.
Patience! It can be really frustrating sometimes dealing with military life and the rules, regulations, deployments, changing plans, moving, etc. You have to be able to take a deep breath and know that things will work out.
Strength and independence! You have to be strong enough to get through things when your spouse is gone. You have to be independent enough that your world doesn’t just crumble when they leave. You let yourself cry for a few days and then you pick yourself up and you get on with it.
Is there anything you would like to add?
Well, you had asked me before, Claire, about the Video Teleconferences (VTCs) and the Family Readiness Group (FRG). I’m involved in our command FRG and actively participate in the board. I’m the secretary of the FRG and also write the monthly newsletters that go out to our Sailors and their families. That’s an awesome way to get to know the other families in your command and to feel closer to your spouse. The FRG has a list of awesome resources for families and can often help solve problems and fix things before anyone else.
The VTC been an awesome experience. The VTC is an amazing opportunity for families to see their Sailor via live video feed and talk for a few minutes at a time. I first experienced a VTC during our second deployment, when pregnant with our first daughter. It was so moving to be able to not only hear my husband’s voice, but to see his face in real-time. We were allowed to bring VHS tapes to record it and I watched that again and again and played it to the baby until he came home. The day she was born, and he talked to her, she looked right in his face like she knew who he was.
The best moment of all the VTCs this deployment was when one of our wives, who is also active duty Navy, brought in her two young daughters. I took them in the room and sat them down in front of the camera and TV. When the Sailor walked in and sat down, those two little girls’ eyes opened about as big as saucers and the older one cried out, “Daddy?!?!” She had wanted to surprise the girls, and she did! It gives me chills to this day and brings tears to my eyes. That’s the kind of thing that keeps me doing it even when it can be so draining to coordinate when I’m dealing with my own kids, my household and my own husband gone. I know it’s those same memories I’m helping them make that I have from the VTC with my husband over 5 years ago.
I want to close this interview by thanking Erin for her time, and I wanted to update the readers. **This interview was done while her husband was still out to sea, but I am very happy to announce that he is back home, safe and sound.
Thank you again, Erin, for all you do and for serving our Country by holding down the home front while your husband is defending our Country.
