Bittersweet Travel

I’m going to keep this generic, but I think it’s a story that needs to be told. As I type this, I’m returning from a trip to one of my offices. As you may know, my company is spread out among about 11 offices in eight states. So, I do a lot of travel. Out of privacy concerns, I won’t say where this trip took me.

One of the civilians that I work with has terminal cancer. The doctors have given him six months to live at the most. But, he could live longer or he could be gone tomorrow. This gentleman is a Vietnam Veteran retired from the Army and now working for the Army as a civilian. He’s got more than 30 years of service to this country under his belt. He’s a highly intelligent man who has done so much for this country than it will ever know (or until it’s declassified). He has played a MAJOR role in keeping this country safe from terrorist attacks.

He’s been in and out of the hospital for the past couple of months dealing with issues related to the cancer. During one of his hospital stays, his landlord called him and said that the house they are leasing finally sold and they needed to be out within 30 days. The timing couldn’t have been worse. His wife can’t stand the lady they rent from anyway, so they were already planning to move out one day anyway. The phone call sort of just accelerated that for them. Unfortunately, when it comes to moving, he’s pretty useless to the family right now.

So, the commander and I, along with some of my nearby Soldiers, one of our contractors (don’t you dare talk about the contractors that support ME!!) and about 15 other FBI and ICE agents spent the day packing up, moving, and unloading an entire household to a new location.

During our initial planning, we were told this would be a two-day event. When we got there, we wondered if we could even meet that suspense! The individual is an avid woodworker and has just about every woodworking tool known to man. He also had about 60 gallons of primers and paints along with another 30 or so bottles of spray enamel. Scattered throughout the garage were various projects and scrap wood. It appeared to be a daunting task. At 0730 sharp, we got to work.

From 0730 until about 1900 we packed up, unloaded, moved, and arranged an entire lifetime’s worth of belongings. 35 years of marriage means a lot of accumulation. Not only did we have to move stuff from one home to another, we also loaded up a couple of storage sheds with odds and ends that the family didn’t want to get rid of, but didn’t have room in their houses to store. Thankfully, there was bottled water and soda to help combat the humid air and 90+ degree temperatures. It was a great time and everyone there was 100% dedicated to the mission at hand. Because of that, we were able to get EVERYTHING done in one day!!

One of the things that also helped was my rental car. By regulation, when we travel on orders we are required to purchase a compact or economy car when we need a rental. It saves government dollars and gets the job done. However, I’ve always been a master of smooth talking. A few years ago, when the Chrysler 300 came out, I was able to talk the rental representative into a free upgrade into one of those sweet rides. So, I only paid for a compact but I got the comfort of a bigger car. I’m usually able to get at least one, but oftimes two free upgrades with my people skillz!! During this trip, I exceeded even that lofty accomplishment. Gaze upon my rental vehicle for which I paid a compact price:

Sweet huh? The ride was actually a lot more comfortable than what I was expecting. The gas mileage was better too. It came in handy as we had to use it a few times to haul extra stuff to prevent more trips. A compact wouldn’t have done the job.

Not all was good though. I got into an argument with the TSA representative. They had to pull my bags for a secondary inspection. Normally, I will check at least one bag, but since I was only going to be gone a few days and didn’t need to take any uniform items, I was able to fit everything into a normal size backpack and my computer case. I was a little worried about my shaving razors and expected those to be confiscated. Were they? No!! Instead, they confiscated my barely ¼ filled tube of toothpaste. The tube, when full, carries about 6.5 ounces of minty fresh Colgate toothpaste. This tube couldn’t have had more than 2 ounces. So, the TSA rep makes some smartass comment about don’t I know I can’t take more than three ounces of toothpaste with me?
“Yes, that’s why there isn’t more than three ounces in there.”
“Well, we have to go by what the tube says.”
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Haven’t ya’ll ever heard the monkey story?”
“What’s that?”
“Never mind. You guys make no sense. I guess minty fresh breath has become the next threat to national security and I just didn’t get the memo.”

So, they took my tube of toothpaste (to be honest, I didn’t really mind because I didn’t like that brand and really wanted a different one) but left my Gillette MACH 3 razor and its four replacement blades. Good thing I’m one of the good guys!!