With the war halfway through its fourth year, wives across the nation are being affected by long and multiple deployments. All the time apart, not to mention the related stress, can leave wives feeling lonely and saddened. Add on the stresses of work and motherhood, and sometimes things may seem too much to handle for a Military Wife. That is where sites like Solo-Ops.com come in.
Solo-Ops provides a wealth of resources for military wives. There is a forum where women can network, seek advice or simply find a friend to chat with. In the store, wives can buy military-related jewelry and clothing to show their support and pride. They can also pick up a copy of founder Hilary Martin’s book Solo-Ops: A Survival Guide for Military Wives, which was the inspiration for the website. There is also a photo gallery where women can share treasured pictures and a links page for sharing interesting sites.
Other personal touches to the site, such as a world clock letting women know what time it is in Baghdad and a Christmas countdown, can help women through the everyday struggles. Visitors to Solo-Ops can look forward to a new site design and new features in the next 2 months.
Read on to see our interview with site founder and webmaster, Hilary Martin….
1. Tell us a little about yourself and how you got started with the site.
Martin: I actually started the site in order to promote the book and it kind of snowballed. Now the site is bigger than the book. I was an Army brat and was surprised when I married my husband that my peers didn’t have the same understanding about the military that I do. That’s why I wrote the book– I wanted to help people gain that understanding which other books didn’t seem to provide.
I also felt like the other sites I visited didn’t inform people, but rather only provided them with a forum to complain about things and maybe if they were lucky get info from a peer. The goal with our forum was really to provide a place for answers AND support. Hence the “survival” part of the book and the website. It was really meant to be like a “Swiss army knife” for military wife-dom.
At this point the book has taken a back seat to running the site and most of the people on the site are completely unaware that there ever was a book. I met wonderful people online who have helped me run that site almost from day 1 and it has been a really nice experience for me.
2. What are some of the more common issues and challenges faced by military wives?
Martin: You know there are a lot of unique situations, just as there are with all families. The most common of course are the ones in which the military presents special challenges. Its not unusual for a wife to have to deal with shared custody of her husbands child from a previous relationship… but it IS unique when the husband is in Iraq and the two women are forced to deal with the situation alone.
The other I would say is just being overwhelmed and confused by the military in general. It’s hard to get thrown into a completely different lifestyle that you never even knew existed. I am amazed that we now have Lifetime’s “Army Wives” which is not true to life; however, I think it raises awareness enough that it will now be less of a culture shock for new inductees…
3. In what ways do you see forums and other types of support systems helping military wives?
Martin: I think forums in general are helping people. The internet revolution has really made information and support readily available and easy to find for everyone and it has been doing so for a few years now. I think its very exciting that if you are doing a military move you can jump online and not only find information about military moves, but also find people who have DONE them and can give you real life advice about them.
4. What is the number one piece of advice you would give to a military wife?
Martin: Don’t sweat the small stuff. When the military throws you a ton of crap every day and your husband could be sent away for years at a time, what use is it spending your time together arguing over the toilet seat? I think gaining perspective like that can actually help a marriage immeasurably.
Appreciating your spouse and your life, being thankful for small things that you DO have, etc, these are all things you can gain even from a negative experience with the military. And when you don’t have a choice about stuff it seems like the best thing to do is try to get something positive out of it.