Military Wives: A Spotlight on Solo-Ops.com
With the war halfway through its fourth year, wives across the nation are being affected by long and multiple deployments. All the time apart, not to mention the related stress, can leave wives feeling lonely and saddened. Add on the stresses of work and motherhood, and sometimes things may seem too much to handle for a Military Wife. That is where sites like Solo-Ops.com come in.
Solo-Ops provides a wealth of resources for military wives. There is a forum where women can network, seek advice or simply find a friend to chat with. In the store, wives can buy military-related jewelry and clothing to show their support and pride. They can also pick up a copy of founder Hilary Martin’s book Solo-Ops: A Survival Guide for Military Wives, which was the inspiration for the website. There is also a photo gallery where women can share treasured pictures and a links page for sharing interesting sites.
Other personal touches to the site, such as a world clock letting women know what time it is in Baghdad and a Christmas countdown, can help women through the everyday struggles. Visitors to Solo-Ops can look forward to a new site design and new features in the next 2 months.
Read on to see our interview with site founder and webmaster, Hilary Martin….
1. Tell us a little about yourself and how you got started with the site.
Martin: I actually started the site in order to promote the book and it kind of snowballed. Now the site is bigger than the book. I was an Army brat and was surprised when I married my husband that my peers didn’t have the same understanding about the military that I do. That’s why I wrote the book– I wanted to help people gain that understanding which other books didn’t seem to provide.
I also felt like the other sites I visited didn’t inform people, but rather only provided them with a forum to complain about things and maybe if they were lucky get info from a peer. The goal with our forum was really to provide a place for answers AND support. Hence the “survival” part of the book and the website. It was really meant to be like a “Swiss army knife” for military wife-dom.
At this point the book has taken a back seat to running the site and most of the people on the site are completely unaware that there ever was a book. I met wonderful people online who have helped me run that site almost from day 1 and it has been a really nice experience for me.
2. What are some of the more common issues and challenges faced by military wives?
Martin: You know there are a lot of unique situations, just as there are with all families. The most common of course are the ones in which the military presents special challenges. Its not unusual for a wife to have to deal with shared custody of her husbands child from a previous relationship… but it IS unique when the husband is in Iraq and the two women are forced to deal with the situation alone.
The other I would say is just being overwhelmed and confused by the military in general. It’s hard to get thrown into a completely different lifestyle that you never even knew existed. I am amazed that we now have Lifetime’s “Army Wives” which is not true to life; however, I think it raises awareness enough that it will now be less of a culture shock for new inductees…
3. In what ways do you see forums and other types of support systems helping military wives?
Martin: I think forums in general are helping people. The internet revolution has really made information and support readily available and easy to find for everyone and it has been doing so for a few years now. I think its very exciting that if you are doing a military move you can jump online and not only find information about military moves, but also find people who have DONE them and can give you real life advice about them.
4. What is the number one piece of advice you would give to a military wife?
Martin: Don’t sweat the small stuff. When the military throws you a ton of crap every day and your husband could be sent away for years at a time, what use is it spending your time together arguing over the toilet seat? I think gaining perspective like that can actually help a marriage immeasurably.
Appreciating your spouse and your life, being thankful for small things that you DO have, etc, these are all things you can gain even from a negative experience with the military. And when you don’t have a choice about stuff it seems like the best thing to do is try to get something positive out of it.
Cpl M
July 5th, 2007 at 3:34 amI just looked at the site and I find it rather. . .lacking. I expected to see lots of great info on the front page that would be of help to my wife while I’m gone, but I was instead greeted with something else entirely. As of now, these are the posts featured on the front page as “Forum News.”
Olbermann: Bush, Cheney should resign
Transcript of Olbermann’s latest Bush bashing.
Bush commutes Libby’s prison sentence
Repost of a CNN article. The poster’s only comment was, “Must be nice to have friends in high places…”
Bush: Maybe U.S. Military ‘Just Not Very Good’
An article from parody site The Onion. I understand parody, but that is in really poor taste for a site that is supposed to help wives while hubbies are gone.
Wrestling Superstar Found Dead
Yeah, I was a wrestling fan back in the day and can still get into it, but how is this considered even remotely on topic for the site to appear on the front page?
Man charged with killing wife, 3 kids
Same thing as the last one; tragic. But is it really front page material for this site?
I would like to say that I dug a little deeper into the site, but I can’t. I am completely turned off by the site because of the front page. Perhaps the redesign will push the topic of the site to the main page instead of political hate and unrelated topics.
After reading this Spotlight, I sent the link to my wife hoping she might enjoy it. I didn’t look the site before sending because I trust the info presented here. However, I sent another email to Anna telling her not to bother after the site loaded up. I won’t suggest my wife visit the site until it’s “wealth of resources” are prominently displayed and the actual support of wives is the focus.
Ellie
July 5th, 2007 at 5:00 amAs an Army wife of over 18 years and a member of Solo-ops, I can vouch for Solo-op’s usefulness to an Army wife. The members post the news articles they find interesting and wish to discuss. Many times, articles like that are posted becuase they piss us off and we want to vent about them to people who will understand.
The amount of useful information there is as vast and varied as the member base. If your wife has any questions or concerns, she should stop by and ask us. She will get a warm welcome and an honest answer.
thesarge
July 5th, 2007 at 7:50 amsolo-ops is a great forum with support for all branches. there are certain pages that can not be seen by non-members which is why the first person to comment couldn’t see the ‘wealth of resources’. It helps weed out spammers that way. Join up with a trial membership and you can view the main board - where a homecoming post is currently active. The other posts he saw on the front page were the most recent posts - not nessicarily the most popular ones.
Kelley
July 5th, 2007 at 9:09 amAs a military wife, surviving 2 deployments and a Korea tour, I can tell you Solo-Ops is full of support, information, and friendship. I have been a member for years and love that there is always an answer to questions I might have, military-related or not.
I urge the 1st poster to look deeper into the website - look at the actual forums, not the front page. The main page has current news, and though it may not be the greatest - it us current events for our times. I know if his wife, or any wife for that matter, needed help or support - she would get it from the website, no questions asked. I wish you all the best on your deployment Cpl M and I do hope your wife finds support and comfort during your time apart… and please, give Solo-Ops a chance, I’m sure you’ll be quite surprised.
Janine
July 5th, 2007 at 9:43 amSolo-ops has helped me gain an understanding of the military world as well as offer ,support through PCS moves, deployments and all of life’s moments, such as the birth of our child. It is a place to find information and friendships. A place to ask for help, or just to vent about whatever is bothering you on a given day.
It looks to me as if the first poster is judging the book by its cover, rather than looking deeper into the true value of Solo-ops!
Nicci
July 5th, 2007 at 5:22 pmI’ve been a member of Solo Ops since 2003. It got me though my husband’s deployment. As now I understand the site is going through a complete redesign and I’m sure the old links of preparing for deployments and stuff will be added back in but I must say to judge the site by looking at just the first page just floors me. That’s like picking up “War and Peace” and saying “Hey, you can’t have war AND peace, this must be crap” and tossing it aside. And on nos! Solo ops not only lets its members post CURRENT News but light hearted stuff too! How horrible. As we all know, we military wives should have NO sense of humor and should hide our heads in the sand until its time for the next FRG meeting or bake sale. This is not the 1950s anymore and we don’t sit around having tea parties and making our husband’s jobs/ranks our lives. We have our own lives, careers and personalities and sometimes we just need a bit of extra help when the military throws us a curve ball. That’s where Solo Ops comes in.
Military wives today are educated, statistics show that over half of us have college degrees and most of us work out of the house. In addition to often being single parents, living on a very strict budget and enduring stupid comments from people who have no clue what our life is like. Solo Ops is a reflection of the modern military wife. We aren’t a bunch of gossipy women standing barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen ironing our husband’s uniforms. We’ve got law school graduates, therapists, a variety of folks in various medical professions, people working in many different service industries, information technology as well as hard working stay at home moms who mange to juggle a myriad of unpaid and overworked job. We have women who work full time AND go to school full time. We have women of all ages, ethnic and cultural backgrounds, all branches of service, former and current military status, and a full variety economic, religious, and educational backgrounds. We have mothers, wives, girlfriends, fiancées and even just close friends of military personnel. Here you won’t find people wearing their husband’s ranks, we help each other and cheer each other on. We provide guidance, advice and a shoulder when needed. We have occassional get togethers and have the opportunity to hear first hand about bases we’re about to PCS to as well as already having a friend there!
Thanks to Solo Ops I’ve learned how to PCS without it becoming a nightmare, how to fix pay issues faster than you can say “OPSEC,” how to navigate, how to cope with benefits, medical issues, being separated from family and new to place that I hate and how to make the best of it. We network and help each other find ways to find jobs, start businesses, change careers, tackle schooling that won’t screw us over when we move and more. At Solo Ops you can get tips on how to make your grocery budget stretch, trade coupons, manage your finances, get pay problems corrected quickly and much more. None of this can be seen on a page containing “current news.”
CPL M, for someone who seems to be from the military I would have thought that you would have been taught not to make rash and quick judgments without fully examining the situation. I am very disappointed in your post and quick uninformed judgement. In war time that kind of behavior could get a soldier killed so for someone about to be deployed I am shocked that you seem to exercise such rash judgment even in this case, I would have expected more from someone of your rank. In this case your wife could miss out some support she could use. Perhaps you should allow HER to examine the full site and make her own decisions. Unless you don’t want her around a bunch of supportive open minded folks. In fact I’m sure she can use Google on her own and should have the right to select the site or support program best for HER rather than what YOU feel is best for her.
Nicci
July 5th, 2007 at 5:34 pmPS, there’s no edit feature so excuse the typos and errors. My brain is fried after working on a research paper all day and trying to ignore the siren call of the internet and Everquest 2. So, yeah Solo Ops does not offer grammar and spelling assistance but probably would if asked. These are some amazing girls that will offer help in any way they can.
Jen
July 5th, 2007 at 5:45 pmAs a former Military Wife and a current member of Solo-ops, I can say that this website AND the book helped tremendously. I found women who were going through some of the same emotions, stresses and “joys” that the military put us through. Wives are often tossed aside in the military world, and at Solo-ops you’re treated like an individual, like you are special. We’re bonded through the military but we’ve accomplished much more than just bonds through the military, we’ve become friends. Not just any friends, the type that will help with whatever you need when you’re feeling down. They are there for you when you need them most. They answer the questions that the command never has time for. They are our link to our husbands when they are gone. I would not have made it through the two deployments I’ve faced and through the trials we’ve faced since without the women of Solo-ops.
withheld
July 21st, 2007 at 9:26 amAs a former Solo-Ops member I can agree with ‘Sarge’…it’s not the wealth of resource it claims to be. While it DOES provide a forum for support and common ground, one can gain just as much or more information from base websites, etc. Mrs. Martin comes across (in book and on site) as very anti-military in many of her statements and actions. Not the type of support that wives, especially younger, new ones, need. There is great camaraderie to be found there but it can be very cliquish and exclusatory as well.
Former Solo-Op'er
July 24th, 2007 at 8:31 pmAs a former member of Solo-Ops, I will say that it certainly has its place among the countless military wives websites. It has its drama and cliques, as all of the larger sites do. While I left the site before Hilary asked the members to “pay to play”, I did find it somewhat useful during my husband’s deployment. However, I didn’t agree with the idea of having to buy a subscription in order to get support.
I also agree with the previous commentary that Hilary does come across as anti-military in both the book and on the site. (Thankfully, I never paid money for her book.) I began to feel less like she was in it to help others and more in it for her own selfish reasons.
Solo-Ops is by far not the end-all-be-all of military support or resourse sites and shouldn’t be thought of as such. However, if you are looking for a place to hang out, meet other people who have a connection to the military, and can deal with the occasional “high school drama”, Solo-Ops might be a place to check out.